MUSIC...can't live without it.

I used to be so narrow-minded when it came to music when I was young..I liked certain bands, certain types of music and had no respect for other types. How blind I was back then. My mind was just closed to so many things when I was a teen, I was so into what I was into that I simply could not see beyond my three bands, Duran Duran, Depeche Mode and Spandau Ballet. Now don't get me wrong, I still listen to those bands, heavily, but these days my iPod is home to many different sorts of music. I have everything from 80's pop to today's pop in the form of Justin Timberlake (have mad love for that boy), country to classical, 80's heavy metal to the softer tones of Dido and Sarah McLachlan. I have Salt N Peppa and Beastie Boys and Poe and Nitzer Ebb and Ministry and Pitbull and Bruno Mars (again, mad love for this boy as well). My son is 15 in a few weeks and thankfully 2 of the most important bands in my life, Duran and DM, he loves, and he's discovered a very few other bands through my obsession but for the most part....? He's just as tunnel visioned as I used to be at that age. Maybe he'll grow out of it, he probably will because I see the obsession beginning in him for music, but for right now Depeche Mode is his obsession. We just went and saw them live last month, I love having that to share with my son because he is my world and we both adore some Mode. I think, no wait...I KNOW...my son is the biggest Mode fan on earth, he knows way more about them than I do...anyway he's been to three Duran gigs and two DM gigs...he's a lucky kid. His first gig was, as mine was nearly 30 years ago, Duran Duran back in 2005, he'd just turned 7 and had to stand on the chair behind me the entire show. At the end of the first time we saw them John Taylor pointed to him and gave him a thumbs up and the biggest JOHN TAYLOR SMILE EVER! I'm still jealous about that...fast forward to last year when we went to meet John at the book signing for his autobiog here in Chicago..he was so nice...to my son. ::insert eyeroll:: I'm happy he was so warm with my son, so STAND-UP-AND-SHAKE-HIS-HAND and all that..but hello? Fan for over 30 years here..the reason you're shaking this kids hand...standing right here with a pounding heart and eyes I'm sure were as big as dinner plates *John Taylor is sublime in person as he is not in any photo ever taken*. OK maybe I was babbling but still, oh well what am I bitching about, I got my signature and he was uber nice to my kid...life is good. Now lets go back to my son's second Duran Duran show....we had 11th row center, at the end of the show when they guys were waving goodbye what happens? Simon Lebon...my personal God...points out my son, waves and makes his entire year. UGH! HELLO SIMON! I'm RIGHT HERE LOVING YOU STILL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! Little brat that kid of mine right? No more Duran shows for him. lol For the last Depeche Mode show...here's how much he loves DM. We could have gone backstage because my ex father in law works security at the venue where they played, but he was too nervous to do this so he missed out. I'm disappointed because it was probably the only chance he'll ever have to meet his music heroes, especially Martin Gore, and he was too afraid. He's still knocked out over meeting John Taylor! So yeah it's great to share some of my music with my kid and this has gotten way off the track...

So music, yeah, boy has my tastes changed over the past few years. I can listen to anything and enjoy it if it's done well. I am still in awe that I have country music on my iPod, I totally blame the show Nashville for this btw, I got and am still so hooked on that show and the music was so fantastic that I branched out. I own 3 Lady Antebellum albums. Me. I also have recently discovered an adorable British kid who does American Country music nearly as well as Johnny Cash did called Jake Bugg, can't stop listening to his debut album. His sound is very old school country to my ears. I have yet to download my beloved Johnny Cash however, how strange is that? I've loved him since I was a wee lass, maybe 3 years old? I grew up listening to him. I need to rectify this asap.

For me music is one of the most important things in the world. Without music my soul would be lacking something, it would be starved because music feeds me, my soul. I love it when I get lost in a song whether it be the music or the lyrics (I'm really a lyric junkie) when I am able to let go and be completely sucked in by music I'm at my happiest. The last couple of days I've been listening to Duran Duran non-stop and there are times, plugged into my iPod, my headphones on, I'll hear a Duran song and it...it makes me stop everything. I sit here, eyes closed, skin goose pimpling and tears gathering and suddenly I'm 14 again, in my bedroom alone. I love the music of Duran Duran, I always have and I obviously always will (sorry mum, you were wrong, I never did grow out of Duran Duran like you swore I would), and sure they're a bunch of beautiful men but that's not enough for me to stay such an avid fan, no the music has got to be there for me. There is something about Simon Lebon's voice that can and does bring me to my knees, certain songs that I'll listen to when I only hear Simon's voice and it breaks something in me...in a good way! A few weeks ago my son and I were coming home from the store and THE MAN WHO STOLE A LEOPARD came on, now this is a relatively new song off their last fantastic album so it's not a nostalgic thing in that sense but there was just something about Simon's voice, the sound he makes when he sings, I instantly know when it's him singing and his voice makes my soul swell with love. It's hard to understand how someone can truly love someone they don't know but yes, I love Simon Lebon and Duran Duran. I care about them, what happens to them and I want them all safe and healthy and happy in this world. It matters to me. When Simon lost his voice a bit ago it scared me down to my very soul, seriously and yes some of it was because I cannot imagine a world in which Simon Lebon does not sing but I was much more worried about HIM, his health. I've got Duran music, I'll never not have his voice whenever I want to hear it, but him being healthy is different. Now I promise you all I've totally grown out of the whole wanting to marry Simon Lebon (I actually adore his wife Yasmin just a smidgen more than Simon lol), the emotions I have for him and the rest of the band are a part of who I am now. At one time, back in my teen years, I used to write some steamy love scenes with these men but now? I'd just love to sit down with any of them and have a long conversation about life or anything with them. I think I've grown up...yeeks! It's the sorta the same with Depeche Mode and Spandau Ballet as well, I love them beyond the pinup days of years gone by, I love them because they've become a part of who I am. Back in Dave Gahan's druggy days I literally had to distance myself from the band I was so afraid he was going to die and I could not watch that happen. I completely ignored the entire SOFAD tour, I refused to see him all drugged up and dying bit-by-bit. When I think of living in a world that does not have Dave Gahan in it it causes pain, an empty hole inside of me that his existence fills. He's had some medical scares in the past few years that nearly did my head in...but seeing  him so healthy last month...well it goes deeper than watching him twirl or grab his cock lets just say that ok? I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding the second I saw him on that stage, healthy and happy and exactly where he belongs. And with Spandau Ballet...well that whole them hating each other thing and suing each other and all that shit, I'm glad it's over because it sucked seeing how it hurt them all whether or not they tried to pretend it didn't. They're horrible liars. I never got to see them live back in the day but the reunion tour back in 2009 was not only my excuse to go to the one place in the world I honestly feel I belong and had been dreaming of going to my entire life (England) but to see Spandau Ballet live, in front of my eyes, from front row....well it'll be one of those things I'll reminisce about on my deathbed I promise you that. Hearing Steve Norman do that sax solo during TRUE...goosebumps right now remembering it...it was an honour to be there for that, to hear that song and Through the Barricades and all the other songs I'd been dying for nearly 30 years to hear done live! Those three bands have fed my soul for a very long time, nearly my entire life, and I cannot ever see how I could live without them and their music. 

A lot of people like to say music has gone to hell these days and to a point I totally agree. With the likes of Justin Bieber, One Direction and all that shit music it's a grim world out there musically speaking...however if you just dig, if you just hunt a little bit, you find gems among the shit. Gems like Jake Bugg, like White Lies and Bat For Lashes, Stellastarr* and most especially my muchly beloved Editors. Editors are right up there with the TRIO, their music is sublime and feeds my soul and takes me away from the harsh reality of life when I need it to. There are band out there, artists out there, making really good music, these are just a very few examples. Even some of the big names like Alicia Keyes are fantastic and if the girl would put her big dirty tongue back in her mouth, Miley has so much talent it's not even funny. If only she'd grow up and realize being naked and whorish does not make you an adult...but I'm not holding my breath for this to happen any time soon, the industry chewed her up as a child, spit her out as an adult and now she's floundering and heading down that same path others before her created. It's sad 'cos that girl has a beautiful voice. Anyway music today isn't what it was and I honestly believe the early 90z with the whole grunge movement was the last great generation of good music, back then there was actual talent out there, going about their fame the hard way, the way it should be, by working hard, gigging around and getting your music out there and not by being cute, cute only gets you so far. So yeah, music is out there, good music, worthy of listening to and purchasing but you're going to have to dig for it so get digging!

My Head, My Heart, My Gut...a girl's vision of war.

I'm completely torn over this entire Syria thing, seriously confused. I go back and forth on a daily basis between supporting it and not, sometimes many times in one day. Usually I'm able to see things like this for what they are, I'm not quite sure what's different about this one but there IS something different. Here's the breakdown...


THE HEAD:
Ok of course my head is screaming NO to war. I mean what sort of person is ok with sending strangers out into the war to kill and possibly be killed? It's one thing to sit and watch on television things happening in some middle east country, and it's one thing to know American soldiers are out there...I guess until/unless it's your child out there, your husband/wife, your brother or sister, you just don't appreciate everything they do, what they give up. I only can appreciate it via history, knowing my Grandpa was a WW2 hero (the captured U-Boat, the U505, he was part of that. I have the photos of it, of him standing on it) and even though he's really my step-grandfather, my life would have been LESS were he not here, if he would have been killed. He came damned close to dying, the first ship he was on was hit and sunk, he floated in the Atlantic for quite a long time before being rescued. He lost most of the hearing in his one ear from sea water getting in there and causing a massive infection. For me the thought of my hero, the man who hung the moon, floating around in that huge ocean where sharks live and were feasting on the less fortunate...it makes me have heart palpitations and not in that "James Purefoy was naked in ROME" sort of way either. It makes my eyes tear up, it gives me that squishy-in-the-guts feeling. My grandpa was my world, my childhood would have been a disaster without him. I wouldn't be here were it not for him because the things I had to survive...well I'm getting off course here. Anyway...so yes my head says NO to war. War is never good, it should never be an answer to anything. There should always be ways around going to war. It's one thing to go to war if your country has been attacked, of course you cannot just let that happen, of course you have to answer that act of aggression with an act of aggression that teaches the original aggressor who's boss. WW2, we got bombed so we got into it...Pearl Harbor. Of course I always have wondered if we would have gotten into WW2 when we knew what Hitler was up to, even just a hint, how many people wouldn't have been tortured and slaughtered just for being Jewish? For supporting someone who's Jewish? Polish? Gypsy? A free-thinker? Well we'll never know. It's easy to look BACK and say we should have gone in earlier, but back then I'm not convinced the President knew to the extent what was going on in Europe, had he known I believe he would have done something. I've seen many programs on WW2 and Hitler that I know our troops were utterly shocked beyond belief when they did walk into those first few concentration camps at what they saw, at the conditions, at the death staring them in the eyes. I thank god my Grandpa was in the Navy and not on the ground, that he never went  into one of those concentration camps. My son's great grandparents were "guests" at a concentration camp for a couple of years, for nothing more than being Polish and being part of the Polish Army. I cannot imagine what they saw, my heart has always bled for them. I believe that President Obama is worried that another Holocaust is happening in Syria, we know for sure people have been killed using chemical warfare. That's always been the red line in the sand, for the world, but my head still tells me NO WAR. Let them deal with it, let them rise up and fight and overcome this evil Assad the Dictator. 
However....

THE HEART:
My heart, oh it bleeds for the Syrian people. The horrific photo's of dead babies and children will haunt me just as deeply as the photo's of the dead Jewish people back in WW2. They will follow me all my days on this earth. How mankind can be so cruel to each other, especially to innocent children, well it scars my soul. My heart wants us to help these people, these men, women and children that are being slaughtered and I am incredibly afraid that this  IS the beginning of another holocaust. If we don't do it, if we don't go help these people, who will? Someone HAS to help them! If this were happening here, if our children were dying in the dirt because an evil man made the decision to gas them and we weren't the powerful nation that we are, wouldn't we want someone out there to come here and help us? Help our children? Our people? My heart wants us out there yesterday gathering the orphaned children, make sure they get the help they need and maybe the family as well. We have a huge heart here in America. It's what we do. But there is history, 9/11, Iraq, Afghanistan, being lied to by the former regime of Bush and Cheney, 2 wars that went on for to damned long, one that is still going on...America is war weary and while our hearts scream for justice for these people, for these children, we also want our service men and women safe. They have fought hard, long and enough. See even when it comes to the heart, the head gets involved. That's never a bad thing to be honest. 



I do trust the President, I believe he would never get us involved in something that was unnecessary, that he'd never lie to get his way, but.....but.....see my problem? We know for certain that chemical warfare was used on the Syrian people, the tests of dirt prove it, and that makes me angry. But there is just something in my guts that tell me not this one, not this one, not now and not this one. I think it's the threat of Russia and Iran and possibly China getting involved and not in a "lets support America" way either and that scares me to the soul. Especially China. America is great, our armed forces are second to none...well OK maybe to China and that's my problem. The Chinese army is massive, and trained in a way that gives me nightmares. This could be the beginning of the end of everything. I want President Obama to tell me that China will not get involved, that Russia isn't the power they were back in the day, that we can do what needs to be done and that's it. But life doesn't come with guarantees does it? You're damned if you do and damned if you don't and this time being damned could be literally. I always panic and think END OF THE WORLD but it scares me. I didn't bring my beloved son into this world to be part of the end of it. He has a bright future ahead of him, he's just begun high school, he's coming into his own and he has grandiose plans for his life and the determination to make them all come to pass...he should have that chance. Especially when you understand the trust he has in the President. 

In the end it's not my decision, in the end I think President Obama will do what has to be done and vocally I'll support him and who knows, maybe both my head and heart will agree, but as of right now? I'm warring within myself.