Evil in Movies

I do believe that in the seventh and final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer she did a google search for Evil in movies or something like that, today may have been a part of that somewhere, but it pretty much describes what I'm gonna babble on about right now, as Bon Jovi is singing on my tv (via Netflix). Weird combo yes but I used to consider metal bands in the 80z to be evil so I suppose it's fitting...and seriously I think Jon Bon Jovi has some mojo going on 'cos he's just way sexier now than he ever was back in the 80z. WAY sexier.

Anywhooo I just finished watching what I consider to be the absolute scariest film ever made, a film I still can't watch in the dark when I'm by myself. It's none other than The Exorcist. Now I was only about 6 years old when this film came out but I remember the adverts for it on tv, the black screen with the song (Tubular Bells) playing and the girl screaming "Mother, make it stop!" which was seriously enough to freak me out back then. That song is still creepy even though I do have it on my iPod (I love Book of Love's version muchly), but it evokes goosebumps galore! I remember my cousin had snuck in to see it, he wasn't that much older than me, maybe 13? I can't remember and I haven't spoken to him in ages, but he snuck in and I remember him telling my mother it was the scariest thing he'd ever seen, that people were passing out and vomiting and seriously, I guess if I put myself back then in the early/mid 70z it would have made me at least scream hysterically. As it is the first time I ever saw it was when I was about 13 and it was on tv, we had a little tv in our bedroom, me and my brother, and I thought I'd be cool by watching it with the lights off and the door shut, all by myself. Well shit it took 2 seconds of seeing her possessed before all the lights went on, that door flew open and I was glued to my mother's side! I did go back and finish watching the film, from behind my blanket with the lights on mind you, and then I spent the next 2 weeks sleeping with my mother! lol That movie scared me more than anything else had ever even begun to scare me and it's left it's marks on my soul...it still scares me. I'm also addicted to all paranormal shows on tv, some are good and some are crap, but I find myself watching them all. I compare this addiction to being a junkie 'cos it's like I'm chasing that first time, how scared I was when I was a kid that first time I saw that movie, and I have to say that whilst some films have scared me none near as much as The Exorcist though I gotta say, Paranormal Activity 1 and 2? Well I made the mistake of watching the first one in the dark first of all, that was quickly fixed when I made my son turn the lights on...nothing scares my kid by the way, he's gonna be 13 in a couple of weeks and he's seen a lot of scary shit and I'll get to that in a bit, so scary films are nothing to him. Not when you've been through what he's been through. Anywhooo those 2 films got me good, especially the 2nd one. I didn't know what to expect with either film and I gotta say the first one was very smart, very well thought out and very well done. Nothing too in your face, you have to use your imagination for a lot of it which is what gets me every time 'cos I have a great imagination, much better than most movie makers anyway. The ending of the first one had me and my son watching 3 hours of comedies to get over it, lol, just so we could sleep. It bugged him, that first film, which is saying A LOT! The second one I didn't know exactly what the film was about but having seen the first I knew what to expect sort of and it was pretty much the prequel to the first one. I figured I'd watch it @10am on a very sunny, warm day so I'd have plenty of time to get over it...when the film was over I was so freaked out I had to phone my best friend and keep her on the phone for over 3 hours! lol I'm honestly NOT a wimp when it comes to films, I'll watch anything scary and nothing ever scares me. Blair Witch bothered me but again it was mostly letting your imagination fill in the blanks and again that's what gets me. So when my son got home I told him every single thing about the film and we watched it together later that night and it didn't scare him at all and it didn't bother me as much second time around so I chucked it up to knowing what was gonna happen, for both of us. 'Cos ordinarily my son would have freaked out, especially at the end of that film. So now I see Paranormal Activity 3 is coming out 2 days before my son's 13th birthday, we figured we may as well go see it in the cinema this time and this film is the prequel prequel to the first one...apparently why the first two films happened. I'm hoping it tells us that the scary bitch from the first film gets caught, exorcised and put away somewhere 'cos this whole thing with her still being out there? Again with my imagination that's not really welcome. I mean sure I know it's not a true story, but it plays on my fears.

I have demon phobia which ok I figure is a decent thing to be phobic about if you think about it. I mean they're scary things, demons, right? I sure as fuck don't want to meet one! Not even in passing, even though sometimes I think my cats are demon possessed when they start running up the walls...but that's a different story. :o) I wonder if I'd be so afraid of this subject if I had never seen The Exorcist?  Or if I'd been older when I saw it for the first time maybe? I wasn't as sophisticated as my son is at his age, I was very easily frightened. It's a scary subject. I guess it takes faith in God to believe in the devil and demons, it makes sense. For a while I questioned whether or not there was a God but I never stopped believing in the fact that if the devil doesn't exist, evil does. Can you have one without the other? I suppose you can, I mean there is good in the world so you need an opposite right? I mean we've all witnessed evil, 9-11 pops into mind for proof of evil. But is that just the evil men do? Or is it deeper than that? Now I'm sure there is tons of stuff to study both online and off but really I prefer to come to my own conclusions and sometimes you just gotta have it...faith. When it comes down to it I just have to admit I have faith. There has to be a God, because I'm pretty sure there's a devil so the devil has to have a counter-part doesn't it? That would be God. Now I'll tell you right now I'm not a bible believer, I cannot believe in something that was written over 2 thousand years ago in a language that's been lost to us for at least that long, and I can't take something seriously that constantly contradicts itself. I was born and brought up Catholic but have left that faith because of how utterly evil I find it to be. All organised religion is evil if you ask me, they're all demanding absolute faith and they're all killing in the name of God and I'm pretty sure God isn't thrilled about that. I never understood that, war over religion. It's like "My God's better than your God." crap, like 2nd graders do on the playground ya know? Except those 2nd graders don't end up killing loads of people, torturing people, just because they believe differently. The Catholic Church is so beyond it's usefulness it's not even funny anymore. The very second it was proven that not only have there been loads of priests and nuns who have sexually and physically abused children for decades, the very fact that those priests and nuns were then hidden within the Church instead of punished for taking the most valuable thing a child has, their innocence. I cannot wrap my head around how horrible these kids felt to be having a priest who you're supposed to trust at least as much as your parents if not maybe a bit more in some families, is hurting you in a way no adult should hurt a child and then you've got the guilt that the Church is so good at pounding into children....it's just a circle jerk if you ask me, from start to finish. That trust is slaughtered, faith is slaughtered and perverted and what does that child have to turn to after that? How can those kids believe in anything after that? I dunno, I just know it's fucked up. So I lost all respect for the Church but not my faith. I can't blame God for what men do, however it never happened to me now did it? My son has honestly struggled with trying to figure out what religion he wants to have in his life, that he can believe in because he does believe in God, he just refuses the Church and that is not because of me I swear. My kid makes up his own mind, always has. Sure he takes my opinion into mind but in the end he has different beliefs than I do and I think that's wicked cool. I have a feeling he's going to follow Buddhism which again, wicked cool because he needs that peace that I believe that religion will bring to him. I'll sign him up tomorrow if he chooses. He's still mulling it over because he's really into Hinduism as well. He had a little girlfriend when he was 4 and 5 whose parents were from India and Hindu and they had a big influence on him at a young age. Not so much because of the religion but because of the warm, wonderful people they were. I loved the family myself, they were intelligent, warm, welcoming and loving. I've honestly not many people like them. I remember watching the little girl's dad playing with PJ as if he were his son...he couldn't have been more loving if he were my son's father. It was just part of who they were and my son is convinced it has a lot to do with their religion. He's studied both Buddhism and Hinduism a bit and likes both a lot. My kid astounds me with the things he thinks about sometimes, things I think about as an adult that no way would I have thought about as a kid!

Anyway, got a bit off topic there, sorry, it happens because my brain goes a lot faster than it should sometimes and it goes off in different directions than how I expected it to go. So ok I think maybe I wouldn't be such a paranormal junkie if my best friend in high school (and still to this day:oD ) didn't live in a haunted house. Now when we were in high school strange things started happening like plates or silverware suddenly reappearing in the sink after they'd been washed and put away, one thing that did not happen in her mother's home was that dishes were ever left in the sink. No way. They were washed, dried and put away immediately. Period. Make that exclamation. It just never happened. So when these things would end up back in the sink after they'd been put away it was freaksome. I remember we did a bit of research  into the area where she lived and it does state that in the area were some Indian burial ground which is such a massive HOLY CRAP moment it's not even funny but the one thing that stuck out to me was that in the 20's and 30's Al Capone dumped dead bodies all over that area so I mean HOLY CRAP! That's pretty heavy! After high school she met some jerk who she moved in with but when she broke up with him her parents wouldn't let her back home for a bit, until she proved that she was finished with the guy so my mother let her stay with us. She lived with us for about 6 weeks give or take but when she did move back home she said things were a lot worse than they had been before, she'd actually seen the thing. Now some of the stories go like this...back in high school the 2 dogs they had would just get up out of a dead sleep and go bark incessantly at a corner of the ceiling in the front room, they'd refuse to go into the basement on their own and the one dog was practically unable to walk and would get up and walk to the front room just to have all the hair on it's body stand up and he'd just bark like crazy. It was always centered around the front room and the basement. Now I didn't go over there much when we were kids, but when we would I gotta say that basement was creepy though it shouldn't have been 'cos it was fixed up and stuff, but it was just....creepy. Plus the dogs just wouldn't go down there. When she'd moved back in with her parents they'd started going on camping trips at the weekends so she'd be home either alone or with her younger brother who was no help and on drugs and shit so basically even when he was home she was alone. She begged me to stay the night and eventually I agreed. I will admit I wasn't completely sure the house was haunted but she was freaked out enough to not want to be alone so I said I'd stay over. Now we spent most of the night in her room, we'd been drinking cranberry juice (no vodka thankyouverymuch) but it had gone bad so we dumped it out, cleaned our glasses, dried them and put them away, I swear to god we did. There was no more cranberry juice or anything so we just went back to her room. I remember feeling cold spots in her room but I honestly just figured it was cold outside so she had drafts from her window, even though they would be far from the windows, still it was a possibility. I still think it's possible that it was just drafts but it's improbable. I remember going to bed finally, me closer to the door 'cos I jokingly said if I saw anything in her room that night I was gonna be out of there like a shot. I remember joking and looking around her room saying "Nope, no ghosties yet!" until the one time there was something in the corner, right next to the fucking door. It wasn't that tall, it was hooded and it has yellow glowing eyes. I swear to god. To this day I get teased 'cos the best way to describe it is that it looked like a Jawa from Star Wars. Fuck even my kid teases me about it, him being a massive Star Wars geek and all. @@ Anywhoo it was fucking there in the corner, right by the fucking door and I nearly shit myself. I remember pulling the covers over my head and asking her if she saw it, she said yes it was there and described it exactly the same as I'd seen it and I hadn't told her what it looked like to me. Then my rational brain said it was this, it was that, it wasn't glowing eyes, it was the read out of her clock radio reflecting in the mirror but when I peaked, the thing was still there, yellow eyed and the fucking radio clock face was a blue anyway. So damn it. I made her switch with me and I called a friend of ours...I shook so hard that I moved that bed like the bed in The Exorcist moved. I can honestly say that to this day and before that day I've never been that afraid. Not ever. I was afraid for my life, for my soul, for whatever else my imagination was supplying for me at that moment. Thank god it was spring though 'cos the sun came up around 4:30am...I stayed under those fucking covers for hours, scared out of my mind, actually contemplating jumping out of her 2nd story window that no way would I have fit through 'cos they were really small windows that didn't open anyway...I'd have killed myself because her room was over the driveway and it sloped downward...but I was willing to give it a try I was so afraid. Just when I'd actually convinced myself 2 broken legs were better than that thing grabbing hold of me or her the room was brightening and I got up the nerve to check the room...the thing was gone. As I got up and got dressed she woke up and we discovered our glasses were back on her dresser, filled with cranberry juice, which was impossible as there was none left in the house.  You never in your life seen anyone get out of a bed, into clothing and into her car as fast as I did! I was out of there in 20 seconds flat! I remember my hand shaking so hard it took forever for me to get that damned key into the ignition and that I was still so afraid that I had to stop driving when I was a couple blocks away from her house. My mind was already making excuses for everything that happened that night until I took a deep breath, took hold of my steering wheel and said out loud "You know what you saw, you know what happened, it was real so just fucking deal with it." and then went home. I never spent the night at her house again and believe me, she asked me too. I believe money was even offered but alas, my shit was staying away from that house at night. I remember not that long after that, at a weekend, since I wasn't staying over I decided to talk with her on the phone until she felt comfortable enough to sleep. Her parents were home, the dogs were home and her brother was home and everyone was asleep and there was this fucking.....moan that she said was coming from the front room, it was so loud that I had to take the phone away from my ear and it actually woke my mother up...but nobody in her house woke, not even the dogs. That was freaksome! I remember nearly shitting myself at that sound, no human throat could make that sound, honest! It was inhuman! We wonder to this day, because her parents don't live there anymore, if anything happens there now. That experience changed my entire life I have to say. I know I always had thought it would be so fucking cool to see a ghost or something, to have proof that these things exist but you know what? It's pretty much just really fucking scary. It's not cool. Not even a little bit. So it amazes me that these people actually go out there looking for proof of this sort of thing. I mean I don't have a clue what the fuck that was in her house, it could have been a demon, it could have been my imagination but I don't think it was. I don't think I'd go into another house that I knew for a fact was having issues to find proof, though sometimes I talk a big game that I would. Her mother in law's home is haunted but whatever is there isn't violent or anything and I guess I'd go and stuff but she doesn't want it riled up or angered and I respect that. It's her home, she has to live with these things that are there. No way can she come home with me! lol (BTW....sidenote here...my god JBJ is HOT!!!) She's taken a few photo's in the house but nothings shown up. There's this cemetery by her house, my friend's, and we've gone there at night a lot to take photo's and stuff. Mostly it's just spooky fun. I mean I bring my son and I wouldn't bring him somewhere I thought would put him in danger, it's a real old place and it's not...active. However earlier this year we went on one of our little trips and things were different. First of all it's an old cemetery, most of the graves are from the 1800's but suddenly there were 2 fresh graves and they gave off weird vibes. Now I'm not saying I'm sensitive or anything but we all felt strange and we felt a great desire to get the fuck out of there and that was a first. When we passed the gates and were crossing the street something happened that scared me as bad as her bedroom had all those years ago, I heard a growl. It scared me so bad it made me laugh the second I landed back in my skin 'cos I jumped out of my skin you see. Nobody else heard it, just me. I looked back real quick but didn't see anything so I just chalked it up to an active imagination and a dog. WTF the dog came from is beyond me. Especially when I saw the next day, in the shine of the sun, that where I heard the growl come from there was no way a dog there 'cos it wasn't anybodies yard or anything. It's hard to explain, you'll just have to take my word for it. That scared me even more. I mean it scared me down to my soul. There are just times in life that you know that while you can't explain something, it happened, it was there, you heard it...that was the second time that happened to me. Soooo I suppose this is also why I'm addicted to all this paranormal crap.

I guess it makes sense that if I believe evil exists, that the devil and demons exist, then it serves that God and maybe even Angel's exist. Can't have one without the other can you? It's a strange thing, believing in things you can't see unless they want you to see them. However it is what it is. There's no denying for me that what I saw was real, I saw it. I heard what I heard. I know evil exists. I have no doubts. Which brings me to another point...The Exorcist....what parents in their right minds, would let their beautiful, young, innocent daughter make such a film as that? There is no fucking amount of money in the world that would convince me to let my son make a film like that! NO WAY! I think that film ruined Linda Blair's life, I mean what has she done since that? I think I remember her saying she had to go into therapy after and who wouldn't! Just the way they made her look is enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life! I to this day see pictures of her from that film and it scares the shit out of me! I don't like seeing it! Hey she was in an episode of Supernatural a couple seasons ago...and she looks good! I always thought she was so pretty and she's not aged at all really, she looked amazing. She was great in the episode which makes me a bit sad for her, I think that film stopped her from really being a big star, however there's not many people alive that don't know who she is. You say her name and people know the film she was in. The Exorcist never really scared my son, the freak, but even he says it's a freaky film. We just watched it tonight actually. Funnily enough it is one of a few films I will never own, never have as part of my collection. I love collecting dvd's, I love having films at my beck and call. The Exorcist, both of the Paranormal Activity films, Poltergeist...those will never be part of my collection.

Speaking of Supernatural the tv show...so unimpressed with the killing off of Castiel and Misha Collins. I will admit to being slightly obsessed with Misha, I find him infinitely interesting, hilarious, unique and quite sexy. I won't say he was the only reason why I watch the show 'cos I've been watching since the first episode, but the series got real good in the 4th season when he entered the scene! I'm really bummed out. Good thing it's such a brilliant show and that Jensen and Jared are gorgeous enough to keep my attention. NO seriously, the show is brilliant and they're brilliant actors, I'll not say I only watch it because of the habit of gorgeous men being cast...hell Jim Beavers is handsome! I think you have to be good looking to be on that show. Even the women are gorgeous. Freaky. Ok I'm done yammering. Probably didn't get half of what I wanted to say down but what can you do? I'm tired, it's nearly midnight and I just put on a film via Netflix. I couldn't live without my Netflix and instant streaming....

Oh and about my son...When we lived in our townhome he always swore he saw a shadowman and that it chased him. He used to tell me it was sitting in the bathroom staring at us (my bedroom and bed was directly in line of sight of the bathroom). I never saw anything in that place but when I was pregnant with him and alone in what was to be his bedroom I was on the internet, the door was closed and suddenly it started shaking, the doorknob, not the door. Like someone was trying to get in. But when I went to check it there was nobody there and my then husband was downstairs fast asleep with the dog and both cat's with him. I don't know what that was but I pretty much dismissed it. I don't know if I really believe there was something in that home, but I do believe my son believes there was. He was terrified of the dark, absolutely terrified and the weird thing is the second we moved in here and he knew it was ok he's no longer afraid of the dark. He said the shadowman was afraid of me, that I was stronger than it. I do remember that the last time we went to get the rest of our stuff after we moved he really freaked out because he said shadowman was really angry and he was coming up the stairs. He was so upset he ran out of the house and wouldn't come out of the car until we left. I did get a really bad feeling about the place that day, it was weird. I guess in the end I do believe him.