BTW...

I have decided that all photographs I use on this blog will be only my own. The above, which I need to figure out how to make the pictures bigger though...and I will...was taken last February after the massive blizzard we had. Here it is, New Years Eve 2011 and we have had maybe 12 flakes of snow and I'm DYING to get out there with my camera and take some pictures of snow and nature and all that stuff! SNOW DAMN IT! lol

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

The beginning of an entirely new year is heady! There are so many things to accomplish! So many new chances! It's a completely, entirely NEW YEAR! I love the promise, I love the excitement, I hate that I have to work and won't be awake to welcome 2012! However, I LOVE being paid double time for the holiday! So, with all this excitement I'm taking my exhausted arse to bed! Ciao Bellas! And

H A P P Y

N E W

Y E A R ! ! ! !

Why is it so COOL to hate?

Can someone please explain to me when and why it got so cool to hate? I mean hatred is so OUT THERE and acceptable these days, is my mum the only one who taught me and my brother that to hate is to lessen yourself? Are we the last 2 kids to be taught that hatred is not only a waste of energy but just wrong? Usually you hate someone who's done ya wrong and ok everyone hates at one time or other and mostly when we say "I hate so-and-so" we just strongly dislike that person and then when the fire has gone out we just don't even give that person a second thought. Sure there are those that hold grudges like they were a child born of their own bodies but I just wasn't wired like that I guess. I don't understand hate like that. I may say I hate like country music but really, I just don't care for it and don't listen to it. I think people throw around the word hate over-much. But there is something wrong in the world today because hatred, real, passionate hatred, is on the uprise.

I think after 9-11 many American's had a rather harsh feelings towards Muslim's. I know where I live there is a rather large Muslim population and at that time their homes were set on fire, they were beaten in the streets, they had objects thrown at them while they were driving and walking, it was frightening to see. I'm not a person who hates, like I've said, and I have never been a person who doesn't like someone because of the colour of their skin or their choice in religion however I do feel that I had harsh feelings towards Muslims after 9-11. Looking back on it now I can honestly say it was the pain of what had happened, it was the fear and it was the ignorance of a religion and a people that allowed me to have those harsh feelings. I'm ashamed at myself now that I ever thought that way. I remember a job I had back in the early 90z and this girl I worked with hated all hispanic men because 2 of them robbed her, with a gun in her face. Now I could never wrap my brain around hating an entire race of people for the actions of 2 men, and now I know it was the fact that she'd never been so afraid for her life as she was then and she never did anything to learn how to deal with what happened to her, so I find it hard to let myself off so easily for my feelings and thoughts about Muslims. Sure now my opinions are different but it pains me that at one time I, too, hated, that I blamed an entire religion for the action of a few and those few were extremists and not...NOT...indicative of the Muslim religion at all. To kill in the name of any God is still a grievous sin, you will still go to hell (if you believe in that sort of thing) and you will still go to prison for having done so. There are extremist Christians and there are Christian's who do some horrific things but I don't hate all Christians! Look at Oklahoma City, the bombings, Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nicols, 2 white, Christian men, blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building. One Hundred Sixty Eight people were killed, including NINETEEN CHILDREN under the age of 6 and it is considered the most destructive terrorist act on American soil after the WTC bombings on 9-11. Now are we supposed to hate all Christian men? Are we supposed to hold ALL Christian's accountable for what 2 disturbed men did? I don't think so. Lets not be silly. However I find it hard to find a  "good Christian" who doesn't dislike, distrust or downright hate Muslims and they always say 9-11 is why. I've tried to point out that not only can you not blame all Muslims for that day but to try to insults my intelligence but that falls on deaf ears. They just want to hate. And I'm talking about people who take care of the ill, people who normally you'd like to have as a friend 'cos they're normally nice people, however when it comes to this subject? It's just amazing how they hate. I'm always looked on as the "bleeding heart liberal", as if just because I do honestly have the gift of being able to put myself into anyone elses shoes and see the world as they see it is something to be scoffed at. In reality it's because I embarrass them, because I have different ideas and I have different morals and I stick by them even when it's not the popular opinion. I've been at the lunch table with half a dozen people who hate President Obama simply because he's a Democrat (and I can honestly say it has NOTHING to do with him being half African American for a change), they refuse to see all that he has done because they're too busy listening and believing everything Fox News tells them. They're too in love with that hate-mongering, republican loving moron Rush Limbaugh. They're too busy hating because it's easier to hate than to educate themselves and maybe change their mind and they're really too afraid to go against the grain. They don't want to be like me, they don't have it in them to stick up for what they believe in. You can put me in a room with all republican's and I would have no fear to debate them. I would not stand down. I would not change my moral's and I would not alter my opinions to suit them. I was not put on this earth to make anyone comfortable, or so my mother always said. I was not created for comfort..except for my son of course. Personally I love it when I get into a debate with some republican ditto head and they say President Obama is the worst President ever and how he's done nothing for this country, that he got us into this recession and that he hates America. I just love asking for proof of all those statements. WHY do you think he's the worst President ever? How can you think he's done nothing for this country when he's done . . . (and I run down a list of his accomplishments)? I mostly love it when I ask them in their opinion when did the recession begin and they always say 2007 and I then ask them WHO WAS THE PRESIDENT IN 2007?! and that shuts them right up! HOW can it be President Obama's fault for the recession when he wasn't President in 2007? Of course they don't have an answer to that because there is none. Then I ask them who ever said he hates America, where is the proof of this and all they can do is quote Faux News and Limbog.

The republican candidates are each running campains on hatred. They hate gays. They hate women. They hate the middle class and they hate children. I have proof of each and every single thing I just said, I can give links to video of them saying those things. Youtube is a stone bitch for polititians these days isn't it! They all hate gays, they all want to repeal the rights for gay people to get married. They insist it will ruin the institution of marriage, men who are on their 3rd wife after having cheated on the first two, hold this opinion. Then you have one candidate who has an actual ad against gay people that has more DISlikes than any video in the history of youtube and that is saying A LOT! All these republican candidates are against a woman having the right to choose, they don't want women to have access to healthcare for women's concerns such as mamography and pap tests. They are against women getting paid the same for doing the samething as men do. They go so far as to say that women should basically stay home, have no access to birth control so we should just be barefoot and pregnant or not have sex at all. Sex is only for pleasure for men, not women. We're just here to endure their pleasure. Then you have the republican's who hate the middle class, they want us to pay MORE than the sickeningly rich, they want to stomp on the necks of working class American's, suck us dry and throw us away. They also hate kids, there is a candidate who wants to abolish child labor laws so the "poor kids" in the country can go out and get a job. I mean really? This candidate has never worked a day in his life but my son, at 13, instead of worrying about making sure his homework is done and that he's getting good marks in school should instead be out there working? Really? That fat, fucking moron. I nearly hate him, but he's just not worth it.

These people are also responsible for spreading that it's OK to hate Muslims because of what they did on 9-11, never mind that pesky point of fact that no, only a few did that, not every single Muslim in the world. But they're not worried about the truth, they're just worried about power, maintaining what power they have and getting more power. They'll stand up and tell us what to do, how we should feel, how we should think and then they'll spout off about being "good Christians". They wouldn't know what it means to be a good Christian if Jesus himself came down from Heaven and gave a productive, informative and entertaining speech about it. They'd absolutely hate the real Jesus, they'd be against everything he was for...wait...they already ARE against everything Jesus taught! ::smacks self on forehead::

Yesterday I learned via Facebook that LOWES pulled their advertising during the TLC show All American Muslim, because the message behind the show is UNAmerican and wrong. Now I've actually watched the show and I have to say, there is not ONE DIFFERENCE between any of the 5 families on this show and any 5 Christian families. Oh wait, there is a lot more tolerance among them, there is not a lot of hate being spewed or really, any. One of the women is very liberal, very open-minded and she wears the head covering, a Hijāb. I love my mother, she is the person who, when I was 7 years old and came home with a "fun" new word I'd learned at school that begins with an N, and washed out my mouth as she explained why it was wrong of me to say that word and what it meant. I had absolutely no idea, it was a new word, and I have honestly never said it since then. Anyway this woman who I always thought didn't have one bone in her body that could be considered racist argues with me that Muslim women in America should not be allowed to wear the Hijab. She insists that it's "ugly" and that if they want to be considered American they should conform to our ways. To say I was deeply saddened and shocked would be an understatement. I actually had to get up and leave her house and didn't speak to her for over a month. I just couldn't look at her. I have a hard time with my mother hating something that is so personal to others, that is worn out of respect to their own religion, and because it is so intolerant. As we grow up we go through phases of "Oh I hate those people" and my mother was always the first one to say it was just an accident that I wasn't born one myself so to have her so against Muslim women because of what they wear on their heads just amazes me in a bad, sickening way. I love my mom, I always will and of course I speak to her now and she's my best friend next to my son, but there will always be a part of me that is incredibly disappointed in her. I feel in my heart that she has let me down, that all those things she taught me as I grew was just a lie because it's not how she feels really. I guess we all have our foibles but that just bugs me bigtime. I'm also not the sort who leaves sleeping dogs lie, I have to nudge them every so often, so it's not beyond me to bring this and other subjects up at really odd times, just to revisit them. Like at Thanksgiving last year (2010) I said I was thankful for Muslim women being strong enough to wear what they want to respect their religion in such a way that is looked on as a bad thing by some American women who should know better. I mean for fucks sake my mom came of age in the fucking 60z! Peace, love, tolerance, a generation I've always looked to when I needed an example of how to really stand up for my opinions. Really though, she's an ok person, it's just this one thing she's intolerant about and I swear one day I will get her to see how wrong she is! I did get her to admit it's wrong to feel the way she does, however, but it's an uphill battle to convince her that she can change her feelings if she works at it. I had to. It's not easy, it's painful because you have to seriously take a good, hard look at yourself and you have to admit to being far from good, but in the end you grow and you are left with pride for the journey you've done. I'm proud that I am a more tolerant person now that I was back in 2001. I'm proud of myself that when I see a Muslim women in her Muslim garb I don't find it offensive and I know she's just being true to her own, personal religious beliefs. It is not for me to say that she shouldn't wear what she wants to wear. I find myself actually speaking to a lot of Muslim women to ask where they bought their head covering because a lot of the time the material is stunning. My only hope is to make one Muslim woman feel like an American woman, that just because she believes differently than I do when it comes to religion and how she chooses to represent her religion doesn't mean she's any better or worse than me. We women have got to learn to stand together, to support each other and to stop being so fucking critical of each other. We need to get women, intelligent women of every race and religion, in high ranking offices across this country and world because there is no more nurturing creature on this planet than women/females. I always have felt if things were in the hands of women this world would be so much better off. Not all women are cool and not all men are evil...most men aren't evil actually and some are even enlightened. The men I respect the most are the men who hold up the women in their lives as examples of how women should be seen. President Obama has his wife Michelle and I tell you what, I'd consider myself as having done well if I were half the woman she is! We need more women like her and Hillary out there, talking to young women/girls, to get them ready for the world they'll be inheriting. I think my job is to raise my son to respect women, to not see women as weaker or lesser than himself just because he has a penis and I have to say that so far I'm very successful! He's a great kid and I only hope that he continues on as he is!

Ok I'm done...my fingers are sore. lol If you've gotten this far? Well colour me incredibly impressed, and really, really grateful!

Friendship Schmendshrip....

I know that everyone's idea of friendship is different and everyone does friendship differently. Some people have loads of friend but no real, close friends, some have only one or two really close friends and some have no friends and that's just sad. I always belonged to the club that said it's better to have one or two really good friends you can count on rather than tons that would turn their backs on you the second life got interesting. I don't need that stress in my life, I've had friends like that before and you know what? It's fun on a Friday and Saturday night but Monday morning always comes and forgive me but I like my Monday morning friend better. She's always there. My Monday Morning friend has been my friend for longer than I want to say, since we were at least 16 and in high school. We did lose touch for a good 15 or so years and when we met back up via the internet? It was like "So where were we then?" (btw, I totally stole that from Steve Norman of Spandau Ballet when he told the story of how it was when he saw Martin Kemp for the first time in over a decade, I thought it was absolutely brilliant so that's why I used it now! I heart Steve Norman!) It's a brilliant quote and exactly how I felt to have Wendy back in my life. Wanna know how we met? The first words exchanged? During gym class, neither of us dressed that day (as would become a custom for us! lol) and she saw a pin on my purse and said "Oh, you like Duran Duran?" and of course I said "Yeah I do. A lot." and thus blossomed a friendship! Duranies stick together man! :) Music, not money, makes the world go round, it creates friendships where there may not have been friendships, it gives people something to have in common when they seem to be polar opposites and it soothes the soul or stirs the soul...thing is with music? It can do whatever you need it to do, if you know what to listen to. Anywhooooo...friendship. Yeah we all need friends in our lives, it makes it a lot easier to deal with, to bounce things off on someone who may not agree with you but has your best interest at heart? Priceless. It's honestly an honour to have friends, or a friend. And true friendship can last even when you lose touch for a decade or two! Wendy and I were always crazy, we always thought a like and we always did as much together as we could so it should not have surprised me when we got back into each other's lives to find out our kids are both boys, hers a year younger nearly to the day to mine (I'm older than her by an enormous 20 days exactly you see!) and they have initials for names and the second initial is both J! They share a brain even though they don't appreciate each other much, we sorta forced them together and it didn't go as well as we would have liked it to go but I know they respect each other and I know if we lived closer they'd be good friends.

Real friends are there for the good, the bad and the disasterous...especially when it comes to fashion mistakes made...to NOT make fun of them is a sign of a true friend! lol God the 80z were not kind, which is why there are maybe 4 pictures of me from that time! I'm not stupid! The good times I remember of course, the trips into the city, to record stores all over the Chicago-land area and Northern suburbs, the clubs, the boys, the getting lost going to record stores, the camping out for Duran Duran and Depeche Mode tickets.....and things I won't put down 'cos maybe my son will read this one day...ahem. So yeah, there's been A LOT of things we've been through, that we've done and experienced and most of the time we just nod at each other and say "Wax Trax" and the other knows exactly what is meant. It's nice to have someone who was there when I was actually COOL, I have at least her as a witness 'cos my kid sure doesn't believe me when I tell him I WAS COOL DAMN IT! lol Like he's so bloody cool. Whatever.

SOooo.....speaking of my offspring...he got into his first physical fight last week, and with a boy who was, just last weekend, his best friend of over 3 years. They've fought on and off since 5th grade, the kid who was his friend can be a bit...spoilt and has major anger issues and my PJ finally had enough. This kid pushed him, taunted him so last week they fought and PJ beat the kid's ass. I'm not condoning violence and PJ knows I won't put up with it, but he's also not going to let some snot-nosed brat push him around either! He didn't start it, he finished it. I'm glad to know he can take care of himself. Strangely enough it's made him wildly popular now...kids are just so twisted sometimes. However the kid actually came back on Friday and started pushing PJ around again! PJ couldn't find him after school so nothing happened but I gotta give it to this kid, he's either really brave or very, very stupid. I'm leaning more towards him being not brave to be honest....and I find it real sad that their friendship ended on such a violent note. I know it bothers PJ, but he's putting on a brave face about it and that's fine, but you can't lose a good friend like that and not be upset about it. He's angry right now but eventually he'll calm down and will be upset and feel the loss. Especially over the break for Christmas 'cos he'll have nowhere to spend a night away from home! lol Hurts me more than him, trust me. lol

It just goes to prove that we make friends, we lose friends, we reconnect and we beat the shit out of friends...it's all just a part of life. I believe everything happens for a reason, even this fight PJ had. I had just been saying to my mother the day before the fight that PJ has been hanging out with this other kid instead of the bully-wannabe and how I was happy about it because N is a good kid. He's smart, he's popular and he adores his mum! Boys that love their mum are the best boys in the world! I liked that PJ had been going out after school every day to hang out with N because all the other kid, Z, liked to do was veg out and play video games. That's fine but I like that when he's hanging with N he's OUTSIDE and ACTIVE! N is also really smart, and does his homework and I believe he will be a very good influence in that on PJ...who is a good student but can lag behind sometimes.

So all-in-all I always have and always will believe 1 real good friend you can always count on is better than 10 you can't. Sure maybe those 10 will get you into the coolest  clubs and will buy you all the drinks you can drink, but will they hold your hair when you puke? Probably not. I'd hold Wendy's hair...I believe she'd hold mine...if I had long hair. :o) I'm teaching PJ that it's more important to BE a good friend than to HAVE a good friend also, because if you're not going to do whatever needs to be done for your bestie then you don't deserve her/him.

I Promise!!!

I will be back with new thoughts and stuff! Just been busy with the holiday's and shopping and life!

Election Night 2011

America's Progressive Voice

Lizzy Muransky: "It's been a good night!! Maybe American's are waking up to reality after all!"

The above was posted on that FB page..yay me!

It really takes so little to make me clap! Anyhoo....tonight's been a good night politically for the good ol' US of A! Now I'm a Liberal, I was raised a Liberal *yes, with a capitol L* by my grandfather and I am raising my son Liberal. He may actually be more Liberal than me...anyhow tonight 3 big bills were voted down. The biggest for me was in Mississippi where the conservatives were trying to say life begins at fertilization and was trying to put a "personhood" bill through, completely taking away a woman's choice to not only do what she sees fit for herself but would also severely limit birth control and make it hard for women to be artificially inseminated in order to become mothers. Now I was worried most about this I'll admit because I'm a woman and I believe when something this vile is made law in one state it is just a matter of time before it takes over the country. There are men (read republican) who believe abortion should be made a criminal offense and not just illegal, even in the case of a young girl having been raped and resulting in a most unwanted pregnancy and where it endangers a woman's life, and I'm always left wondering WHO THE FUCK gave them a right to have an opinion on this at all? Have they suddenly grown a uterus and nobody told me? It's hilarious that conservatives are so PRO LIFE when it comes to an unborn fetus but once that fetus is out in the world, a breathing child, if they're not rich they want nothing to do with that child anymore. They don't want to make sure it's fed, clothed, sheltered or educated. AND these people are almost unanimously PRO DEATH PENALTY!!! That just blows my mind altogether.

The second big win came from Ohio, who voted NO to a union busting amendment. I swear to gershwin I felt my grandfather spinning in his grave at the conservatives taking away union worker's rights! A union man his entire life, this would have been something that would have made him protest, I swear. I can just see him downtown Chicago with a big old sign protesting that silly bill! He's smiling now though, I just know it.

Third happened in Maine where they can again register and vote on the same day. Some wacky conservatives decided that it would be cool to take that law away from Americans in hopes of what I just don't know...maybe they hoped it would lead to more votes come 2012 in their favour? Who knows.

Earlier tonight I was talking with my PJ about the state this country is in and how conservatives are always screaming for LESS GOVERNMENT and if you vote for them that's exactly what you'll get when in reality what you'll get voting for them is way MORE government in your life and much higher taxes unless you're uber-rich. I don't care how they spin it, Reagan was wrong with his trickle down economics because the rich do NOT create more jobs when they pay less in taxes, if this were correct after all those massive Bush tax cuts for the filthy rich would have created massive amounts of jobs however...and ya knew there'd be one of those...in the end we ended up in a recession not seen since the depression and they're blaming that on President Obama, who wasn't even in office when it began. It's frightening how many people don't know how to do simple math, the recession started in 2007, President Obama was elected...that's right ELECTED, not sworn in...in 2008 and then took actual control of the country in January of 2009. But I suppose conservatives don't like to get into those pesky details. Whatever. Now I'm not saying Mr. Obama has been a perfect President, there have been times I've had to shake my head in disagreement with him (Afghanistan comes to mind) but for the most part I think he's done a good job...with what he's had to work with anyway. If the republicans weren't so, literally, hell-bent on defeating every fucking thing he's tried to do so far, this country would be well into recovery instead of limping towards it. It's absolutely fucking amazing that these moron's stand up there, proud as can be, and will look into the camera and say they will do EVERYTHING in their power to make sure President Obama is a one term President! And from the looks of things that absolutely includes throwing this country into a depression! The American people have to wake up and see these asshats for what they are, and they have to stop drinking the Fox News Kool Aid and realise that there is not ONE republican candidate that has any plans on adding one job or helping middle America because they simply DO NOT CARE about middle America. They only care about themselves and their bank accounts and what will keep the money flowing freely into those accounts. I mean look at how Faux News is spinning all these accusations that are out there against Herman Cain! A couple months ago when Mr. Weiner (really needs to change his name imo) was texting photo's of his schwangy these conservative warmongers were foaming at the mouth, screaming for first his head and then his resignation but with Mr. Cain? It's the women's fault and those of us women who do not wish to be sexually abused should wear Burka's, that's their take on it all. I mean seriously?! Rush Limbaugh (who my beloved son calls Limbog or Limba the Hutt) is the most vile excuse for a human being out there and he's even going after one of the women's young son, insulting him! WHERE is the line with these vermon? Do they have one? Is that BLACK MAN in the WHITE HOUSE that threatening to them that they'll take an obvious sexual predator and back him to become the republican candidate next year? Really? Unbelievable. Really unbelievable. And I thought Rick Perry was the worst of that lot! He's just pill popping and beer slurping now days! Jebus these people need to get a grip on their slimy souls and take a good, hard look at what they're saying and doing! And STOP comparing these accusations against Cain to Clinton and Monica Lewinsky who was a WILLING PARTICIPANT. That is worlds apart! Give me Bill Clinton and that cigar any fucking day over Herman Cain and his roving hands! GAH I just made myself throw up in my mouth a little bit...nope.... A LOT.....excuse me whilst I rush to the loo...  ;o)

Anyway today was a good day, it really does seem that Americans are waking up, smelling the tea and deciding they'd rather have coffee!!

Paranormal Activity 3

So ok, I've seen all 3 of the PA films now, the third one I went and saw at the cinema. I didn't see the other 2 at the cinema, I was much smarter I guess. I thought the third one was a bit confusing, my son and I had to talk about it for a while before we really got the gist of what we saw but in the end we both agreed, it scared the shit out of us! I've gotta say this is truly a frightening trilogy!! Scary enough for me to NEVER own them! lol Remember, that's my rule, anything that scares me like that will never grace my dvd shelves! Speaking of films that scare the shit outta me, non other than the woman who scared me as a child more than any other human being in the world is in Chicago, and I just adore her! Linda Blair is here in Chicago, there are 2 cinema's showing The Exorcist this weekend and she's going to both places for 1 showing! I'd so love to sit in the dark to watch that film but I'd be afraid to like scream and embarrass myself in front of her! I think she's gorgeous and has not aged and I just adore her for all the hard, hard work she does for animal shelters! I long ago made the decision to get any and all of my fur babies from shelters only, and donate food or supplies whenever my bank account lets me, which is sadly not very often. I always thought it would be such a great idea for shelters to "rent" out dog stalls, for certain amounts of time, where people then support whatever animal is living there until he/she is adopted. I have it all worked out in  my head but am too tired to type it out now, but I think it would be a pretty popular program and it would take a lot of pressure off of facilities that have no real choice but to be shelters that put animal's down after a certain amount of time. Have it be rentable by week or month or even by year, set certain amounts that will cover food and litter (for cats obviously) and maybe even a program where the person who is "renting" the stall can come in once a week or so to spend some time cleaning it and taking care of the dog or cat. I know I'd do it, I can't volunteer because I have quite the crazy schedule but I'd be able to go at least once a week to help out like that. And I could maybe "rent" a stall one week and skip a couple 'cos it's that time when all my bills are due and then pick up a couple more weeks later. I dunno, I suppose that would be hard to work out and there are always people who would sign up for things like that and not go through with it but really, for the most part I think it could work. Better brains than mine would have to work it out, I had hard enough time just coming up with the idea! lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Today, 27th October 2011, marks the 53rd birthday of a man who graced my bedroom walls, ceiling, my high school locker, books, notebooks, starred in many, many angsty teenaged romantical stories and still, some 30 years later, can trip my heart fantastic. Why today is non other than

SIMON LEBON'S BIRTHDAY!!!

The man who taught me what lust was and continues to describe masculinity for me! lol Seriously, at 53 he makes me wobble like a schoolgirl and who doesn't like to feel young again? I adore this man and I seriously hope he had a wonderful birthday and continues rockin' not only my world but everybody's world! I swear the world would just suck if it wasn't for Simon Lebon and Duran Duran!!!

Just wanted to say...

On the 23rd day of October in the year Nineteen Hundred ninety eight, at 3:23pm, my beautiful son was born. Not a day has gone by that I haven't loved him more than the day before.

Things that make me HAPPY

I was gonna blog about things that annoy me, there are so many, but instead I figured I'd blog about something that makes me happy. There is this one that makes me so happy I feel that I could just burst and his name is PJ. He's my 13 year old son. Well ok he's 12 but he's turning 13 Sunday.

When I was first married my then husband and I had a hard time getting pregnant, to the point that I'd given up. I didn't want to go the fertility pill route or anything more drastic than that, there's nothing wrong with it but it just wasn't for me. For me I figured if I was meant to have a kid it would happen and since it wasn't...well that was a pretty clear answer. I gave up. I even got used to the idea of not having children and I figured that the pro's for it was that I'd have ultimate freedom. No worries. No stress and no responsibility. Of course that's exactly when I got pregnant and the second I found out all that other stuff was just bullshit. I remember we'd just moved into our townhouse, I'd just finished painting the entire thing myself and I began feeling not normal. I remember buying the pregnancy test, it was a special 2 for 1 sale, and the girl behind the counter smiled and asked me what I wanted the results to be, I said negative. I actually believed that too. I was utterly convinced I was ok with being childless for the rest of my life. I didn't tell my husband that I'd bought the test, I didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing and I was convinced it was going to be negative. Well sorta. There was this little, tiny voice telling me that this was the test that was going to change the rest of my life in ways I could not imagine. At this time we had a new puppy and my husband was getting up @5am to let her outside to do her thang so I figured I'd go take the test. It only takes a few minutes to get the results and when I saw the 2 lines I nearly passed out! I kept rubbing my eyes, figuring I was sleeping or something and when my husband came upstairs I asked him if he saw 1 or 2 lines and when he said TWO? I cried and told him he was going to be a daddy. Thing was I was BARELY pregnant, when I went to the doctor (after taking FIVE pregnancy tests) and was asked when I'd last had my period I said the prior month I got a look. Then the doctor came in and she asked me why in the world I would think I was pregnant when I wasn't even really concidered late for my period that month, I just had a feeling I told her, plus 5 pregnancy tests. She laughed and took blood for a definitive test and said she'd call the next day. I was at work the next day and I told them that any calls for me I was to be immediately notified so I could take it. The call came at just after 6pm and the nurse said, "We don't know how you knew but yes, you're pregnant. Barely 2 weeks but the test came out positive. Congratulations." and I just cried. My boss was quite concerned and when I told him he gave me a hug and the rest of the night off.

My pregnancy was uneventful thank god, I didn't even vomit once but was really tired almost the entire first trimester. I mean not being able to work tired 'cos I was falling asleep standing tired. That's pretty damned tired! I got through it though. One thing I remember from the pregnancy test morning was waiting for 7am so I could call my mother and tell her she was FINALLY going to be a grandmother. She laughed and said just the day before at work she'd said she gave up on ever being a grandma...little did she know! So my pregnancy went well, the ultrasound was a hoot 'cos he just laid there and showed his winky so we'd know he was a he...made the tech laugh. "He really wants you to know he's a boy." He said. I was thrilled because if I had to be honest? I soooo wanted a boy! Being a tomboy my entire life I was unsure I'd be able to raise a girly girl and was utterly convinced (and still am) that I'd have had a girly girl. So I had a boy, 23rd October 1998 at 3:23pm, he weighed 7lbs 9oz and measured in at a whopping 23 inches long. They didn't show him to me right away, he was a c-section because when I'd had a late pregnancy ultrasound he seemed to be well over 10 pounds so we'd planned the c-section. However we didn't plan for me to bleed out. I have absolutely no memory of this, I didn't even learn of this for the next 2 years until friends of ours had their first baby and my husband told me! Personally I think it was the doctor's job to tell me I nearly fucking died giving birth! So I had PJ and an hour later when they put him in my arms...I looked at the face of the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. My baby boy. Instantly and without a doubt I was in love. There was nothing I'd not do for this baby, nothing I wouldn't protect him from and I'd always be in his corner. I never knew such a love could even exist, I understood my own mother in a second in a way I couldn't have until I held my own child. There is nothing like the love a mother has for her child.

As PJ grew that love grew of course, I watched the baby turn into a toddler with enough personality for 12 toddlers and then I watched that toddler turn into a kid. I'd say he was an average, normal American kid but my PJ has never been average or normal a day in his life and I've not raised him to reach for that. He is exceptional. To me. To his family. When he was little and didn't know a word for what he was feeling he'd just make one up. He was never hungry, he was empty. He was never thirsty, he was drinky. He was a ham, a comedian and a poet at 3 years old when he'd take his dad's microphone and sing lyrics he was making up as he went, and his mom was on the sofa writing it all down. I have to say some of what he said was beyond his years, way beyond. When he was 7 he wrote 3 songs that I still have, that contained emotions that should have been well beyond him. One song in particular made my heart ache. He's always been artistic and I always thought that he'd be a musician but at 6 years old he discovered Star Wars, George Lucas and movies. Since then, even though he wrote poems/lyrics, he was determined to be the next George Lucas. He's been writing his own sci-fi show or film (he's not decided which yet) since he was 6 years old and the things he's come up with? Massive. I find it impossible that the person I gave life to was this talented. I always knew he was special. He's turning 13 in less than a week and plans on going to university, he's torn between Columbia College here in Chicago and Northwestern University, which is said to have an excellent film program. He is determined to be a huge star, a movie star first and then a director. However he says if the acting doesn't work for him he won't be that upset, he'll just make films. I look at this young man, puberty has taken him over in the past year, growing him over 6 inches, deepening his voice, putting hair where there wasn't hair a year ago, and am amazed at how utterly convinced he is of his future. How hard he works towards his future. For Christmas I'm buying him a video camera, put his feet well and truly on the road to success.

To say I'm proud of my child is ridiculous because it goes much further than that. He's a good kid, a good person with a huge heart, a brain he uses and the ability to meld the two...something most adults cannot do. He's more politically savvy than 99% of the adults around him, has his own opinions on everything from religion to politics to what we're gonna have for dinner and no, McDonalds is not happening tonight. :o) He is a most impressive young man, I'm not nearly as together at 44 as he is at nearly 13 and it's just not fair! lol I mean I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!

So I sit here and look at this beautiful creature that I'm told is my son and my entire being is filled with an emotion so much stronger than love that there isn't a word strong enough to describe it. How I've raised him as well as I have is a marvel, because I'd never have believed 13 years ago that I would be a good mom much less the best mom in the world (PJz words, not mine)! He's not perfect, nobody is, but in my eyes he's as close to perfection than any human being has a right to be. I'm proud of myself that he's not afraid to tell me everything going on in his life, that's going on in his head, and sometimes it's hard to hear. He's just like most kids who are different, he's gone through being bullied but now since he's so big everyone leaves him alone, but he remembers how it hurt to be bullied and he refuses to let anyone around him be bullied. I saw online today that a beautiful teenage boy killed himself last Friday, because he was gay and felt he had nobody, that is the last thing I want for my son, to feel alone like that. My heart cries for that boy because he was wrong, it DOES get better. We've mostly all been there, felt that pain, been bullied, and we got through it. I'm not making any judgement on his parents, my heart hurts for their loss, I just wish he knew they'd understand and would have done anything to help him. I've told my PJ since he was a toddler that there is nothing that the two of us cannot make it through, that I'm always in his corner, that I'd fight for him until the day I die and beyond. I mean I've pounded this into his skull over and over again and when in fifth grade he came to me because the bullying had gotten so bad he was considering suicide, he saw how fierce his mom is in defending him. At the end of that school year he had enough confidence to push the bully onto his ass and to tell him if he ever gets in his face again he'll get worse than being pushed onto his ass, the kid believed him and has not even looked at him wrong since. I cannot even allow myself to think what would have happened 2 years ago if he didn't know to come to me when he was being bullied because I'd help him, and I refuse to allow myself to go there. He made it through that. He doesn't care over much for Lady Gaga's music, a few songs here and there he likes, but he says he appreciates how she stands up for kids who are being bullied and how strong of a message she has for them. He's convinced she's saved more lives than she'll ever know about. I love Lady Gaga for fighting for kids like my son, who are bullied, and don't have someone in their corner to fight for them. Plus she makes some good, butt-wiggling music too!

So here's PJ, in 7th grade, taller than me with a voice as deep as his dad's. I look at him and am filled with pride, love and awe. I birthed me a beautiful baby boy who is turning himself into a spectacular human being and that I will not take responsibility for because whilst I may have laid the ground-work for it, he's done the hard work, made the right decisions and continues to try to be the best person he knows how to be. He doesn't care who sees him hug me in public, kiss my cheek in public and say I love you in public...I'm his mom and he loves me and wants the world to know it. How lucky am I?!!

Fat Jokes are FUN!!!

These days decent people don't make fun of someone because of a disability, or their sexual orientation, or the colour of their skin...and that's good because you must really be a disgusting human being to do those things, but it's still not only acceptable but encouraged to make fun of fat people. Late night comedian's do it, tv sitcoms do it, drama's do it, everyone does it. It's cool, right? I mean it's not like people with weight problems have feelings or at least the don't have the right to have feelings you realise this, right? I mean fat people are only fat because they can't control themselves! Sure they all, every single one of them, just sits in front of a TV and shove food into their mouths! None of them have medical issues, none of them are on medication that cause weight gain, none of them have issues that they're dealing with because of something that happened to them or the fact that they're depressed, nah they just can't control themselves. Every single one of them fat asses just can't control shoveling in the food. The thing is? I'll bet most of the fat people that you know have one of those issues, if not more, that I just named, you just don't see beyond the fat. Like being gay, I don't think many (or any) people desire to be fat, they don't make a concerted effort to be overweight. I really can't picture a human being choosing to be fat, unhealthy and miserable. I think the miserable is the underlying issue as to why people are fat. There are people out there who are not having of a lot of money and see food as a reward so they over-eat but is that true or are they eating emotions? I think 99% of the time they're eating anger, depression, feelings of not being good enough because they're not having of the material possessions they deem worthy. I also think that it's not so much the material possessions they crave but something else, something deeper, they just don't have a way of figuring out what they really do need or they're so depressed they don't care.

So you have fat people who are fat because they eat emotions and lets face it, if you're miserable you're gonna eat good tasting food and maybe you can make broccoli taste good enough but it's never going to be as satisfying as ice cream. There are studies out there that say people do eat for comfort, that there are reactions in the brain and through out the body that tell us comfort food is needed and will be like a great, big hug. Who doesn't need a hug every now and then? Then realise that there are people out there who need not only that hug but even more and the only way they have of getting what they need is through food. I mean lets face it, we have to eat in order to live so we cannot avoid eating. Quite a large number of us are, at least part of the time, slaves to the taste buds and we want to put things in our mouths that taste good. There are good foods out there that are not harmful that taste good, fruits for one, but lets face it, they're not as plentiful or affordable as the bad, really good tasting stuff. That's another thing, the good-for-you-foods are usually quite a bit more expensive and some people just can't afford to buy a lot of them. I remember watching a show about how some of the poorest people in this country live on Mountain Dew and how it effects their health in a negative way that most of us who may drink that soda once in a while (personally I hate the stuff). It rots the teeth for one, it's so full of sugar and caffeine it's not even funny, it gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it. McDonalds is much more affordable than a regular, sit-down restaurant and kids are always begging to go there and how many actually order the salads they offer? Ok I do, and often, but I also get french fries 'cos lets face it, NOBODY makes french fries like McDonalds!

I know it all comes down to moderation, you can pretty much eat whatever you want as long as you eat it in moderation and you exercise. Again, if a person is depressed they're so not giving a shit about moderation or getting in a good workout, they just want that bag of potato chips. Stressed out people aren't going to go for a run after they eat a tub of ice cream. It's not about self control, it's about giving up. Yes, believe it or not there are folks out there who are so miserable they just don't care anymore, they've given up. They won't actively suicide but they'll eat themselves to death.

Then there are medications that either make you gain weight or make everything you put in your mouth taste bad, except for ice cream and cake. I know this as a fact, I've been on steroids for injuries and packed on the pounds and I've had medications that made even soda taste horrible, I could only eat spaghetti and ice cream, everything else made me vomit. I didn't have to be on those meds for a long time but they're only two examples and taking the weight off is always way harder than putting it on. Using myself again (as I'm overweight) as an example, I have no health insurance, I have no doctor so I am unable to get monthly blood tests to control an under-active thyroid. The summer of 2009 I tried to lose as much weight as I could for my upcoming trip to England. I've dreamt of going to England my entire life and the reason I was going was to see a band I'd dreamt of seeing live since 1984 (Spandau Ballet) but never got to because they never toured America. I did not want to go out there, meet all these wonderful people I'd met via the internet and see Spandau Ballet the way I looked so I got serious. I exercised, I ate nothing that tasted remotely like ice cream or chocolate and I made sure I snacked on healthy fruits and veggies. I worked out for an hour a day, six days a week. I walked for at least 45 minutes every day. I did this for over a month and ended up gaining 2 pounds. Talk about falling into a funk! All that for what? To GAIN weight? Sure it could have been muscle weight but I gotta say I honestly did not feel any better, no healthier, so I figured why continue. I let myself down. Which in turn depressed me even more. Now I have all these wonderful memories of the trip of a lifetime and it's drenched in shame. Because I looked horrible. Because society has made me feel that I'm worthless and have no self control. Most of the time I just ignore all that shit society puts on me, I don't think we all have to be super, model skinny, but some times its just impossible not to get down. I can't seem to lose weight because I'm not on medication to help control my thyroid. I can't afford medication or a doctor because I'm not insured. Of  course that's another rant but it has a lot to do with a lot of problems in this country at this time. I'm not that unique that I'm the only one having this problem. My job is incredibly physically challenging, that alone should help keep me in some sort of shape but has absolutely no effect. Pulling and pushing hundreds of pounds, lifting heavy linens and bending and stretching and constantly walking for miles should have an effect but it doesn't. I have a great friend who's lost a lot of weight and she said once she got her metabolism working she was able to eat decent sized meals, enough to fill her up, and still continue to lose weight. That's my problem, my metabolism doesn't exist because the thyroid controls that, and mine doesn't work. But it's ok to make fun of me, to make jokes and to point and laugh, you see I have no self control. Even though I can diet, I can exercise and I can eat right but all to no or very little effect. But that's my fault. All my fault. Not really saying it's not but there are some things out of my control, like in this economy finding a job that will not only pay the bills but provide health insurance at the same time are just everywhere. ::sigh:: Oh well, I keep soldering on, what else can I do?

It's just shit that people still think it's ok to make fun of fat people when they don't know why those people are fat to begin with and even if it's from a lack of self control, even if it's from a strange desire to be fat, why does hurting someone make so many other people laugh? Even normally decent people, people who care about others and put their money where their mouths are, find it ok to make fun of fat people and I just don't get that. I'm even guilty of this! How gross is that! I guess it's true that most people in the world can only feel good about themselves when they put other's down. Really sad isn't it?

Evil in Movies

I do believe that in the seventh and final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer she did a google search for Evil in movies or something like that, today may have been a part of that somewhere, but it pretty much describes what I'm gonna babble on about right now, as Bon Jovi is singing on my tv (via Netflix). Weird combo yes but I used to consider metal bands in the 80z to be evil so I suppose it's fitting...and seriously I think Jon Bon Jovi has some mojo going on 'cos he's just way sexier now than he ever was back in the 80z. WAY sexier.

Anywhooo I just finished watching what I consider to be the absolute scariest film ever made, a film I still can't watch in the dark when I'm by myself. It's none other than The Exorcist. Now I was only about 6 years old when this film came out but I remember the adverts for it on tv, the black screen with the song (Tubular Bells) playing and the girl screaming "Mother, make it stop!" which was seriously enough to freak me out back then. That song is still creepy even though I do have it on my iPod (I love Book of Love's version muchly), but it evokes goosebumps galore! I remember my cousin had snuck in to see it, he wasn't that much older than me, maybe 13? I can't remember and I haven't spoken to him in ages, but he snuck in and I remember him telling my mother it was the scariest thing he'd ever seen, that people were passing out and vomiting and seriously, I guess if I put myself back then in the early/mid 70z it would have made me at least scream hysterically. As it is the first time I ever saw it was when I was about 13 and it was on tv, we had a little tv in our bedroom, me and my brother, and I thought I'd be cool by watching it with the lights off and the door shut, all by myself. Well shit it took 2 seconds of seeing her possessed before all the lights went on, that door flew open and I was glued to my mother's side! I did go back and finish watching the film, from behind my blanket with the lights on mind you, and then I spent the next 2 weeks sleeping with my mother! lol That movie scared me more than anything else had ever even begun to scare me and it's left it's marks on my soul...it still scares me. I'm also addicted to all paranormal shows on tv, some are good and some are crap, but I find myself watching them all. I compare this addiction to being a junkie 'cos it's like I'm chasing that first time, how scared I was when I was a kid that first time I saw that movie, and I have to say that whilst some films have scared me none near as much as The Exorcist though I gotta say, Paranormal Activity 1 and 2? Well I made the mistake of watching the first one in the dark first of all, that was quickly fixed when I made my son turn the lights on...nothing scares my kid by the way, he's gonna be 13 in a couple of weeks and he's seen a lot of scary shit and I'll get to that in a bit, so scary films are nothing to him. Not when you've been through what he's been through. Anywhooo those 2 films got me good, especially the 2nd one. I didn't know what to expect with either film and I gotta say the first one was very smart, very well thought out and very well done. Nothing too in your face, you have to use your imagination for a lot of it which is what gets me every time 'cos I have a great imagination, much better than most movie makers anyway. The ending of the first one had me and my son watching 3 hours of comedies to get over it, lol, just so we could sleep. It bugged him, that first film, which is saying A LOT! The second one I didn't know exactly what the film was about but having seen the first I knew what to expect sort of and it was pretty much the prequel to the first one. I figured I'd watch it @10am on a very sunny, warm day so I'd have plenty of time to get over it...when the film was over I was so freaked out I had to phone my best friend and keep her on the phone for over 3 hours! lol I'm honestly NOT a wimp when it comes to films, I'll watch anything scary and nothing ever scares me. Blair Witch bothered me but again it was mostly letting your imagination fill in the blanks and again that's what gets me. So when my son got home I told him every single thing about the film and we watched it together later that night and it didn't scare him at all and it didn't bother me as much second time around so I chucked it up to knowing what was gonna happen, for both of us. 'Cos ordinarily my son would have freaked out, especially at the end of that film. So now I see Paranormal Activity 3 is coming out 2 days before my son's 13th birthday, we figured we may as well go see it in the cinema this time and this film is the prequel prequel to the first one...apparently why the first two films happened. I'm hoping it tells us that the scary bitch from the first film gets caught, exorcised and put away somewhere 'cos this whole thing with her still being out there? Again with my imagination that's not really welcome. I mean sure I know it's not a true story, but it plays on my fears.

I have demon phobia which ok I figure is a decent thing to be phobic about if you think about it. I mean they're scary things, demons, right? I sure as fuck don't want to meet one! Not even in passing, even though sometimes I think my cats are demon possessed when they start running up the walls...but that's a different story. :o) I wonder if I'd be so afraid of this subject if I had never seen The Exorcist?  Or if I'd been older when I saw it for the first time maybe? I wasn't as sophisticated as my son is at his age, I was very easily frightened. It's a scary subject. I guess it takes faith in God to believe in the devil and demons, it makes sense. For a while I questioned whether or not there was a God but I never stopped believing in the fact that if the devil doesn't exist, evil does. Can you have one without the other? I suppose you can, I mean there is good in the world so you need an opposite right? I mean we've all witnessed evil, 9-11 pops into mind for proof of evil. But is that just the evil men do? Or is it deeper than that? Now I'm sure there is tons of stuff to study both online and off but really I prefer to come to my own conclusions and sometimes you just gotta have it...faith. When it comes down to it I just have to admit I have faith. There has to be a God, because I'm pretty sure there's a devil so the devil has to have a counter-part doesn't it? That would be God. Now I'll tell you right now I'm not a bible believer, I cannot believe in something that was written over 2 thousand years ago in a language that's been lost to us for at least that long, and I can't take something seriously that constantly contradicts itself. I was born and brought up Catholic but have left that faith because of how utterly evil I find it to be. All organised religion is evil if you ask me, they're all demanding absolute faith and they're all killing in the name of God and I'm pretty sure God isn't thrilled about that. I never understood that, war over religion. It's like "My God's better than your God." crap, like 2nd graders do on the playground ya know? Except those 2nd graders don't end up killing loads of people, torturing people, just because they believe differently. The Catholic Church is so beyond it's usefulness it's not even funny anymore. The very second it was proven that not only have there been loads of priests and nuns who have sexually and physically abused children for decades, the very fact that those priests and nuns were then hidden within the Church instead of punished for taking the most valuable thing a child has, their innocence. I cannot wrap my head around how horrible these kids felt to be having a priest who you're supposed to trust at least as much as your parents if not maybe a bit more in some families, is hurting you in a way no adult should hurt a child and then you've got the guilt that the Church is so good at pounding into children....it's just a circle jerk if you ask me, from start to finish. That trust is slaughtered, faith is slaughtered and perverted and what does that child have to turn to after that? How can those kids believe in anything after that? I dunno, I just know it's fucked up. So I lost all respect for the Church but not my faith. I can't blame God for what men do, however it never happened to me now did it? My son has honestly struggled with trying to figure out what religion he wants to have in his life, that he can believe in because he does believe in God, he just refuses the Church and that is not because of me I swear. My kid makes up his own mind, always has. Sure he takes my opinion into mind but in the end he has different beliefs than I do and I think that's wicked cool. I have a feeling he's going to follow Buddhism which again, wicked cool because he needs that peace that I believe that religion will bring to him. I'll sign him up tomorrow if he chooses. He's still mulling it over because he's really into Hinduism as well. He had a little girlfriend when he was 4 and 5 whose parents were from India and Hindu and they had a big influence on him at a young age. Not so much because of the religion but because of the warm, wonderful people they were. I loved the family myself, they were intelligent, warm, welcoming and loving. I've honestly not many people like them. I remember watching the little girl's dad playing with PJ as if he were his son...he couldn't have been more loving if he were my son's father. It was just part of who they were and my son is convinced it has a lot to do with their religion. He's studied both Buddhism and Hinduism a bit and likes both a lot. My kid astounds me with the things he thinks about sometimes, things I think about as an adult that no way would I have thought about as a kid!

Anyway, got a bit off topic there, sorry, it happens because my brain goes a lot faster than it should sometimes and it goes off in different directions than how I expected it to go. So ok I think maybe I wouldn't be such a paranormal junkie if my best friend in high school (and still to this day:oD ) didn't live in a haunted house. Now when we were in high school strange things started happening like plates or silverware suddenly reappearing in the sink after they'd been washed and put away, one thing that did not happen in her mother's home was that dishes were ever left in the sink. No way. They were washed, dried and put away immediately. Period. Make that exclamation. It just never happened. So when these things would end up back in the sink after they'd been put away it was freaksome. I remember we did a bit of research  into the area where she lived and it does state that in the area were some Indian burial ground which is such a massive HOLY CRAP moment it's not even funny but the one thing that stuck out to me was that in the 20's and 30's Al Capone dumped dead bodies all over that area so I mean HOLY CRAP! That's pretty heavy! After high school she met some jerk who she moved in with but when she broke up with him her parents wouldn't let her back home for a bit, until she proved that she was finished with the guy so my mother let her stay with us. She lived with us for about 6 weeks give or take but when she did move back home she said things were a lot worse than they had been before, she'd actually seen the thing. Now some of the stories go like this...back in high school the 2 dogs they had would just get up out of a dead sleep and go bark incessantly at a corner of the ceiling in the front room, they'd refuse to go into the basement on their own and the one dog was practically unable to walk and would get up and walk to the front room just to have all the hair on it's body stand up and he'd just bark like crazy. It was always centered around the front room and the basement. Now I didn't go over there much when we were kids, but when we would I gotta say that basement was creepy though it shouldn't have been 'cos it was fixed up and stuff, but it was just....creepy. Plus the dogs just wouldn't go down there. When she'd moved back in with her parents they'd started going on camping trips at the weekends so she'd be home either alone or with her younger brother who was no help and on drugs and shit so basically even when he was home she was alone. She begged me to stay the night and eventually I agreed. I will admit I wasn't completely sure the house was haunted but she was freaked out enough to not want to be alone so I said I'd stay over. Now we spent most of the night in her room, we'd been drinking cranberry juice (no vodka thankyouverymuch) but it had gone bad so we dumped it out, cleaned our glasses, dried them and put them away, I swear to god we did. There was no more cranberry juice or anything so we just went back to her room. I remember feeling cold spots in her room but I honestly just figured it was cold outside so she had drafts from her window, even though they would be far from the windows, still it was a possibility. I still think it's possible that it was just drafts but it's improbable. I remember going to bed finally, me closer to the door 'cos I jokingly said if I saw anything in her room that night I was gonna be out of there like a shot. I remember joking and looking around her room saying "Nope, no ghosties yet!" until the one time there was something in the corner, right next to the fucking door. It wasn't that tall, it was hooded and it has yellow glowing eyes. I swear to god. To this day I get teased 'cos the best way to describe it is that it looked like a Jawa from Star Wars. Fuck even my kid teases me about it, him being a massive Star Wars geek and all. @@ Anywhoo it was fucking there in the corner, right by the fucking door and I nearly shit myself. I remember pulling the covers over my head and asking her if she saw it, she said yes it was there and described it exactly the same as I'd seen it and I hadn't told her what it looked like to me. Then my rational brain said it was this, it was that, it wasn't glowing eyes, it was the read out of her clock radio reflecting in the mirror but when I peaked, the thing was still there, yellow eyed and the fucking radio clock face was a blue anyway. So damn it. I made her switch with me and I called a friend of ours...I shook so hard that I moved that bed like the bed in The Exorcist moved. I can honestly say that to this day and before that day I've never been that afraid. Not ever. I was afraid for my life, for my soul, for whatever else my imagination was supplying for me at that moment. Thank god it was spring though 'cos the sun came up around 4:30am...I stayed under those fucking covers for hours, scared out of my mind, actually contemplating jumping out of her 2nd story window that no way would I have fit through 'cos they were really small windows that didn't open anyway...I'd have killed myself because her room was over the driveway and it sloped downward...but I was willing to give it a try I was so afraid. Just when I'd actually convinced myself 2 broken legs were better than that thing grabbing hold of me or her the room was brightening and I got up the nerve to check the room...the thing was gone. As I got up and got dressed she woke up and we discovered our glasses were back on her dresser, filled with cranberry juice, which was impossible as there was none left in the house.  You never in your life seen anyone get out of a bed, into clothing and into her car as fast as I did! I was out of there in 20 seconds flat! I remember my hand shaking so hard it took forever for me to get that damned key into the ignition and that I was still so afraid that I had to stop driving when I was a couple blocks away from her house. My mind was already making excuses for everything that happened that night until I took a deep breath, took hold of my steering wheel and said out loud "You know what you saw, you know what happened, it was real so just fucking deal with it." and then went home. I never spent the night at her house again and believe me, she asked me too. I believe money was even offered but alas, my shit was staying away from that house at night. I remember not that long after that, at a weekend, since I wasn't staying over I decided to talk with her on the phone until she felt comfortable enough to sleep. Her parents were home, the dogs were home and her brother was home and everyone was asleep and there was this fucking.....moan that she said was coming from the front room, it was so loud that I had to take the phone away from my ear and it actually woke my mother up...but nobody in her house woke, not even the dogs. That was freaksome! I remember nearly shitting myself at that sound, no human throat could make that sound, honest! It was inhuman! We wonder to this day, because her parents don't live there anymore, if anything happens there now. That experience changed my entire life I have to say. I know I always had thought it would be so fucking cool to see a ghost or something, to have proof that these things exist but you know what? It's pretty much just really fucking scary. It's not cool. Not even a little bit. So it amazes me that these people actually go out there looking for proof of this sort of thing. I mean I don't have a clue what the fuck that was in her house, it could have been a demon, it could have been my imagination but I don't think it was. I don't think I'd go into another house that I knew for a fact was having issues to find proof, though sometimes I talk a big game that I would. Her mother in law's home is haunted but whatever is there isn't violent or anything and I guess I'd go and stuff but she doesn't want it riled up or angered and I respect that. It's her home, she has to live with these things that are there. No way can she come home with me! lol (BTW....sidenote here...my god JBJ is HOT!!!) She's taken a few photo's in the house but nothings shown up. There's this cemetery by her house, my friend's, and we've gone there at night a lot to take photo's and stuff. Mostly it's just spooky fun. I mean I bring my son and I wouldn't bring him somewhere I thought would put him in danger, it's a real old place and it's not...active. However earlier this year we went on one of our little trips and things were different. First of all it's an old cemetery, most of the graves are from the 1800's but suddenly there were 2 fresh graves and they gave off weird vibes. Now I'm not saying I'm sensitive or anything but we all felt strange and we felt a great desire to get the fuck out of there and that was a first. When we passed the gates and were crossing the street something happened that scared me as bad as her bedroom had all those years ago, I heard a growl. It scared me so bad it made me laugh the second I landed back in my skin 'cos I jumped out of my skin you see. Nobody else heard it, just me. I looked back real quick but didn't see anything so I just chalked it up to an active imagination and a dog. WTF the dog came from is beyond me. Especially when I saw the next day, in the shine of the sun, that where I heard the growl come from there was no way a dog there 'cos it wasn't anybodies yard or anything. It's hard to explain, you'll just have to take my word for it. That scared me even more. I mean it scared me down to my soul. There are just times in life that you know that while you can't explain something, it happened, it was there, you heard it...that was the second time that happened to me. Soooo I suppose this is also why I'm addicted to all this paranormal crap.

I guess it makes sense that if I believe evil exists, that the devil and demons exist, then it serves that God and maybe even Angel's exist. Can't have one without the other can you? It's a strange thing, believing in things you can't see unless they want you to see them. However it is what it is. There's no denying for me that what I saw was real, I saw it. I heard what I heard. I know evil exists. I have no doubts. Which brings me to another point...The Exorcist....what parents in their right minds, would let their beautiful, young, innocent daughter make such a film as that? There is no fucking amount of money in the world that would convince me to let my son make a film like that! NO WAY! I think that film ruined Linda Blair's life, I mean what has she done since that? I think I remember her saying she had to go into therapy after and who wouldn't! Just the way they made her look is enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life! I to this day see pictures of her from that film and it scares the shit out of me! I don't like seeing it! Hey she was in an episode of Supernatural a couple seasons ago...and she looks good! I always thought she was so pretty and she's not aged at all really, she looked amazing. She was great in the episode which makes me a bit sad for her, I think that film stopped her from really being a big star, however there's not many people alive that don't know who she is. You say her name and people know the film she was in. The Exorcist never really scared my son, the freak, but even he says it's a freaky film. We just watched it tonight actually. Funnily enough it is one of a few films I will never own, never have as part of my collection. I love collecting dvd's, I love having films at my beck and call. The Exorcist, both of the Paranormal Activity films, Poltergeist...those will never be part of my collection.

Speaking of Supernatural the tv show...so unimpressed with the killing off of Castiel and Misha Collins. I will admit to being slightly obsessed with Misha, I find him infinitely interesting, hilarious, unique and quite sexy. I won't say he was the only reason why I watch the show 'cos I've been watching since the first episode, but the series got real good in the 4th season when he entered the scene! I'm really bummed out. Good thing it's such a brilliant show and that Jensen and Jared are gorgeous enough to keep my attention. NO seriously, the show is brilliant and they're brilliant actors, I'll not say I only watch it because of the habit of gorgeous men being cast...hell Jim Beavers is handsome! I think you have to be good looking to be on that show. Even the women are gorgeous. Freaky. Ok I'm done yammering. Probably didn't get half of what I wanted to say down but what can you do? I'm tired, it's nearly midnight and I just put on a film via Netflix. I couldn't live without my Netflix and instant streaming....

Oh and about my son...When we lived in our townhome he always swore he saw a shadowman and that it chased him. He used to tell me it was sitting in the bathroom staring at us (my bedroom and bed was directly in line of sight of the bathroom). I never saw anything in that place but when I was pregnant with him and alone in what was to be his bedroom I was on the internet, the door was closed and suddenly it started shaking, the doorknob, not the door. Like someone was trying to get in. But when I went to check it there was nobody there and my then husband was downstairs fast asleep with the dog and both cat's with him. I don't know what that was but I pretty much dismissed it. I don't know if I really believe there was something in that home, but I do believe my son believes there was. He was terrified of the dark, absolutely terrified and the weird thing is the second we moved in here and he knew it was ok he's no longer afraid of the dark. He said the shadowman was afraid of me, that I was stronger than it. I do remember that the last time we went to get the rest of our stuff after we moved he really freaked out because he said shadowman was really angry and he was coming up the stairs. He was so upset he ran out of the house and wouldn't come out of the car until we left. I did get a really bad feeling about the place that day, it was weird. I guess in the end I do believe him.

Just stopping by...

So ok I'm giving my brain a rest...not that it's tired or ever used much just that nothing is going on really. Many things make me crazy but I'm sick of thinking about them and tons of things turn me on but I'm sick of those as well. I need new hobbies... Anyhoo, it's not that I don't want to blog, I just suck at it and have nothing to say...

11 September 2011

So tomorrow will mark the 10th anniversary of the worst terrorist attack on these United States. Somber I'd say is the mood in my house tonight as I sat and watched a couple specials on what happened that day in 2001 with my son. He was 2 going on 3 and, thankfully, has absolutely no memory of that day, and he does have memories from that far back and further, my then husband and I tried to shelter him as best we could and apparently we did a good job. He's always known what happened on that day, I'm not one to keep the truth from him as long as he's old enough to ask the questions he asks. He's mature for nearly 13 and more politically savvy than 99.99% of the adults I could name.

My brain is sorta scrambled right now, as I try to convey here what is in my head and what is in my heart. Of course 10 years ago that day was horrific, the single most terrifying day of my entire life, but to say those words doesn't do it justice. I was convinced we were at the brink of a world war, that the world would never be the same again. I kept asking myself "Is this why I brought this beautiful child into the world? Is this the world I wanted him born into? Is he about to die a toddler?". I, like everyone else in this country and around the world, knew things would never be the same, they could never be the same. There is no way that, down to a person, anybody who saw even 10 minutes of what happened that day could go back to a normal life or what passed for normal before that day. We're a stronger people now, our eyes have been opened and we know for a certainty that yes, we're strong but we're not anymore invincible than any other country in this world. It was in how we reacted to the attack that I think separated us from the rest. I don't say that with blushes or excess pride, I really think we came together as a people and overcame everything that the terrorists had tried to do. Yes lots of people died but they didn't die in vain. We remember them, we honour them, we teach our kids about their bravery. We cried together, we mourned together and we became a stronger nation together. I'm still convinced going to war with Iraq was the lousiest thing to ever happen, especially as it was done under pretense and lies, but this isn't that sort of blog I want to do tonight. I want to honour those who lost their lives and the families they left behind, especially those children who were born that never knew a parent because he/she died that day for no damned reason other than because the devil himself thought he was going to send us a message. Sure we got the message, how do you like hell? Was it a good homecoming? I'm not an overly religious person but there are things I believe in with all my heart and one of those things is knowing that that bastard, who will not be honoured with me typing the letters of his name, is burning in hell...even if it's a metaphoric sort of burning.

The things that have stuck with me from that day are how otherwise ordinary human beings turned into honest to God heroes right before our eyes. It happened with every firefighter in NYC who charged towards the one area in the world that everyone else was desperate to get away from. It happened when an airplane was taken back and crashed into the ground instead of our country's capital or the White House. It is in the policemen/women who tried, with their last breath, to save just one more person. It was in the firemen/women and police from all over this country who packed a suitcase, hugged their family farewell as they headed towards ground zero to assist those who needed their help in the massive clean up. My pride knew no bounds watching Chicago firemen pack up their lives and go to help their brothers and sisters in NYC when they needed that help more than they needed that next breath. I listened to a guy yesterday on my local news special say how he went out there to help, himself a fireman, and how he had to call it a day on New Years Eve that year, he simply could not take anymore. He took more than I ever would be strong enough to take.

For me I have to say I was maybe most humbled by the ordinary men who, on Flight 93, took back their destiny and said to their murderers "We will not die how you're telling us to die, we will die to make sure nobody else but us dies.". Those men could have sat horrified in their seats and let the terrorists do what they had planned to do but they didn't. They weren't trained to be heroes, they came into it naturally. Like I always say, "Their mama's raised them up right.". I feel it deep in my soul the loss their families must still feel, the pain and anger, but they can go to bed at night knowing this world is a better place for their son's. Can you imagine if that plane would have crashed in to our biggest symbol of freedom, the White House? That day was horrific enough, we did not need to have that happen too. I can honestly say I do not think I'd have it in me to do anything other than cry in that sort of situation. Those men will forever be the biggest heroes of that day.



I know the tears will flow tomorrow, they've been flowing since yesterday, it's only natural. But let there come a time in the coming day when we dry those tears and those of the people around us and remind the rest of the world what it is to be an American. Lets remind the world why so many come to this country to start a fresh, new life. We owe it to those who died that day, not because they deserved it or because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time but because they died American. Lets never forget the sight of people jumping from 70+ floors up in the WTC building's because they retook their destiny back from the evil, twisted terrorists who only knew how to hate. They are jealous of us, of what we have, but instead of striving for what we have they seek out to destroy it. We can't let them win or forget what it is to have Americans as enemies.

I wonder what sort of remembrances will continue every year after tomorrow comes and goes because lets face it, sure we remember D-Day but we don't really think of the horror of that day do we? I wasn't even alive, my mother wasn't even alive when that happened, it's a concept that, until 2001, was unfathomable. Unfortunately we learned really damned quick what they felt watching Pearl Harbour being attacked so lets make sure that every year we honour our country and...well US! We deserve it, we're great, we're American!

My little part of the world

In my little part of the world I'm living in an apartment that is the perfect size for me and my son. 2 bedrooms, mine is huge and his is perfect for him, as big as his bedroom was when we lived in our house. Townhouse, whatever. The livingroom here is massive, so much room, a decent sized kitchen but not enough counter space (watching HGTV as I do I could totally redo the kitchen to incorporate enough counter space without making the space smaller, there's so much dead space), and a small bathroom that does bum me out. I do love my place though, after all, it's mine. It's the first place that was ever JUST MINE. I can decorate how I want (or I could if I wasn't broke) and it's all up to me to make it a home for my son and me. I think I'm doing a good job, I mean sure it could be cleaner but is that really the end all, be all of existance? My son loves our place, he's comfortable and he's happy. That's all that matters to me, good roof over his head, nice clothes in his closet and a lot of them, food in the refrigerator (though that's getting harder to maintain as he eats EVERYTHING all the time). He's got the basics I suppose, but I think there's so much more to parenting than just providing the basics. The basics will get you through but do you really want your kids to grow up and say "Sure, my mother provided the basics but that's all."? I sure don't. I want a home that's less than perfect, a bit messy and the place my son will think of longingly when it's cold outside and he's walking home from somewhere. I still get that feeling when it's cold outside, that I want to be home where it's warm, young again with my mother waiting with hot chocolate. She didn't do that all the time but when me and my brother were outside playing in the snow? Hot chocolate. And it's something that has stuck with me through my entire life, that feeling of love in that mug. Or if it was cold out and we were coming in for lunch she'd make us the mug 'o' soup and have hot tea for us, so when we finished we'd be fortified and warm enough to return to the snow! I always worry that my son won't have those sorts of memories, that I'm not providing him with memories he'll revisit when he's a father, when he's grown and not living with me anymore. When he's rich and famous (and he will be, I have absolutely no doubt about that) and winning that Oscar for his latest film (either as an actor or a director) I want him to say he wouldn't be where he is if it wasn't for his mother. I'm serious, I want the kudos. Especially that first one, then after that he can still mention me but then he can add like my mother and step dad, his uncle and maybe even his dad. ;o) But I want that first one all to myself. We've already had this talk and he's agreed to it. lol

My son. My pride. My joy. My love. I knew going into this whole mother thing 13 years ago that I'd love my son (we knew he was a boy right away) but I have to admit that I was still very unprepared for the intensity of that love, for the depth and all encompassing love that I have for him. There is literally nothing I wouldn't do for him, I'd die for him if I had to. I am the proverbial mama bear when it comes to him and while I know he's not perfect, just don't let me hear anybody else say he's not perfect. The most amazing thing has been to watch him grow, to go from one stage to the next, to see him learn all the things I was afraid he wouldn't or make that worried that he wouldn't. We all worry about our kids, us mum's, it's just what we do. My mum still worries about me, she even worries about me crossing a street as if I was 7 years old again. @@ lol It's a mother's prerogative to worry like that, I get that now. I watch my son with awe as he goes now from being a boy to being a young man, he's taller than me now, his voice has mostly changed (he shocked all his friends when he went back to school and his voice was so deep and different) and he's just man-shaped and hairy! lol We've got the zit's on the run thanks to his dad and he's figuring out what sort of style statement he wants to make. He's not a baby anymore. I have a hard time with that sometimes, not always but just once in a while I want my baby back. That bouncy, giggly, happy 4 month old who told me stories in his baby babble and laughed and laughed when I'd ask him to tell me more. But then that's offset by him being able to wipe his own butt and him being able to make most of his own food when he's gotta have a snack and especially in the mornings on my day off when he can and does get himself up, showered, dressed and fed for school! I'm so very proud of him, he's always been mature but it was this summer that he showed me that I can honestly count on him. When, back in June, I hurt my back real bad at work, I was dependent on him for a lot of things, like walking. That boy never fussed about having to stop doing whatever it was he was doing to help me, he never rolled his eyes at what I needed from him, he was there 24/7 and for that he'll never, ever know how incredibly proud of him I am. It's good to know I can count on my kid to do what's right, what needs to be done. He loves me. I'm his momma. He's never really called me mommy, he's always called me momma. Not so much now, unless he's being sweet which he does a lot, mostly now I'm mom which is fine, because that's what I am...PJ's mom. That's not all I am but it's what I am best.

I am not one to blow my own whistle, in fact it's always pissed off my mother how she sees me as unfair to myself I always am, how hard on myself I am, but I tell her I'm not, I'm just a realist. I'm honest about me. I don't do many things right, or well, or at all, but my kid? THAT I do well. I do that perfectly. I couldn't ask more of my son than what he is, he's a good kid, he's got a good head on his newly broad shoulders, a big heart and he mixes them both very well. He's intelligent, he's quick, he's funny as hell, he's talented and he dreams big dreams for himself that he vows to make come true. That's why I know someday he will be thanking me when he receives that Oscar, I know he will because he know's he will. He has absolutely no doubt in his entire body that he will be the next George Lucas, that he will accomplish exactly what he's set out to do since he was 6 years old. He works hard at it now, the planning for his shows and films, he's been writing them since he was 6 and he makes them better as he gets older and more talent. He's dreamed himself a damned huge dream but honest, if anyone can make a huge dream come true? My PJ can, and he will! Just you wait and see!

Today's Rant....BEWARE!!

One thing I'm quite passionate about these days is politics. If you're unable to tolerate a liberal woman with strong political opinions it's probably time to go do something else because this won't be a good time for you.


Now I'm not going to act like I know SO MUCH about politics, I don't know as much as I wish I did so I'm constantly reading everything I can get my hands on but my problem is my AADD kicks in and I cannot finish 'cos I find most things written about politics incredibly boring. I want to be able to understand most of what is written but sometimes I think these people who write about politics sit there with their thesaurus next to them and take a normal word, look it up and add one that nobody knows what it is just to look intelligent. Whatever. So ok, back to politics. I'm a registered Democrat, I'm Liberal and I've got a vagina so....most republican's think I should die a painful death. Or at least I should be quiet, constantly pregnant, obedient and without opinion, but that's not how I was raised.


Now if you've read any of my other blogs, like the one directly under this one, you'll understand that my Grandpa was  my hero and main influence in how I see the world, right down to me believing that I'm ALWAYS right. Just like him. Except I am always right, no matter what my mother and son say. ;o) My Grandpa was a Democrat and there were times he'd rail on and on about republican's and their insane notions on things but really, he didn't live long enough to be witness to true insanity. The insanity that is the republican party of the 21st century and the tea party are...well lets just say that my Grandpa probably wouldn't have a voice in which to use by now 'cos of the screaming he'd have been doing since '08. And he would have voted, no doubt, first for Hillary and then for President Obama. He liked Hillary, he always said she was one smart cookie, much smarter than her husband. Cannot argue with that. I think my Grandpa has been spinning in his grave ever since we put President Obama in the White house, from the cartoons of watermelon's on the front lawn of the White House to the cartoon of our President with a bone through his nose, my Grandpa is definitely disappointed in this country.


My Grandpa was a war hero, he was in WW2 and they captured the U505, which he dragged us to see at the Museum of Science and Industry here in Chicago every single year of our lives growing up, telling us tales about capturing the sub. We never believed him...poor man. But don't get cross with me and my brother, our Grandpa was a consumate storyteller, you never were sure if what he was telling you actually happened or if he was pulling your leg. Most of the time he was pulling our leg, like with the story of him beating up a Great White Shark when I know for a fact he would have become like Jesus and ran on water to get away from a shark. He was on a ship that was hit and sank and he did see fellow sailors eaten by sharks and I imagine he did dream about beating one of those sharks up, but alas, he was yankin' our chain about that one. He was also a union man, he worked at International Harvester until he took early retirement in his late 50z, I remember to this day going with my grandma to pick him up after work and I was really little, my brother wasn't even born yet so I was 3 and under, but I remember. Earlier this year when the govenor of Wisconsin took away Union's rights? I swear to god I heard my Grandpa and his entire generation of Union men and women yell! All I see republican's these days doing is taking away our rights that generations before us were proud of, that they fought for, and they tell us it's for our own good. If my Grandpa knew how close my mother is to losing her social security, or having it lessened, he'd seriously go postal. It's frustrating for my generation knowing that when we get old enough to retire we won't be able to because our money will have been spent on this generation retiring now. I mean WHO didn't plan ahead? WHO thought it was ok to spend other people's money all willy-nilly and not replace it, figuring the generation coming behind will put forth the money needed? Really? Was that someone's brilliant idea? I'm counting on my son being the next George Lucas so he can bathe me in grandeur 'cos there's simply no way I want to work until the day I drop dead!

My 12 year old son (soon to be 13 in October) is incredibly politically savvy, he's daily telling me about things he reads online that I didn't know about 'cos he's just way smarter than I am. I've raised him right, my Grandpa would really think I'm a brilliant mother 'cos I'm raising a White Sox fan AND a Democrat! What else could he have asked for in a great-grandson? One thing I noticed about his generation (besides their abysmal taste in music) is that they watch the news, they're online and they ARE informed. In 2008 his class (at a very mixed race school) was about 99% supporting President Obama's bid for the White House. I asked him why he liked the then Senator so much and he shrugged and said; "I think he really wants to do good for this country, I believe he's a good man with a good heart and I think he's incredibly intelligent and I trust him in my gut to run this country well.". I guess there's no arguing with that. Neither him nor I ever figured on the utter hatred of this man that would swarm Washington DC like a plague and we have tried to sit down and figure out WHY they hate him so much and honest, all we came up with is because he's got African in him and a Muslim name. Never in the history of this country has a President who's already been sworn in had detractors so vehemently demanded he show his birth certificate because they refused to believe he was an American, they didn't believe he was a Christian although he's only ever attended a Christian Church. I admired the strength of this President, this man who did not lower himself a level and engage in anything that could be viewed as snarky. Not that he doesn't have a great sense of humour, he sure does and he's cracked a few good jokes at republican's expense, but they earned it. I have also never heard of a political party proudly proclaim that they will vote NO to every single thing the sitting President tries to get done during his time in the White House. Are they 12? Oh wait, my son is 12 and he doesn't act like that...are they 2? They act like spoiled toddlers who stamp their widdle feet, hold their breath and pound their widdle fists against the walls until they get what they want and then there's our President, our ADULT President, always with his hand out, asking for teamwork, for some compromise. Every single time he's been told no, they will not compromise, they want what they want and they'll hold this entire country hostage until they get it. That whole debt ceiling thing was shameful, it was humiliating and it was utterly ridiculous. Again the republican's acted as small children, demanding their way, when their president, the man they hold up to God for comparison, Ronald Reagan raised the debt ceiling what...17 times? And Bush raised it like 7 or 9 times. But that's ok. They were republican's and oh yeah, white. They had Christian names. THAT'S where the difference is. There are still people out there, like the ever smarmy Donald "it's not a wig" Trump, who still don't believe he's an American citizen, like Mr. McCain wouldn't have exploited that for all it's worth. Like if there was even the smallest chance he wasn't born in the USA Hillary wouldn't have said "Uh, he can't run, he's not American." so she could have won it all. Like these things aren't fucking checked out thoroughly BEFORE someone runs for the Presidency of the United States of America! COME ON PEOPLE! THINK! Just for a little time! TRY to see beyond the colour of his skin, beyond his Muslim name! Just for a moment! Yeesh.

This whole thing about religion is pissing me off too. Michelle Bachmann, god what a brain trust she is, brings religion, Jesus, God and Christianity into everything she says. You know what? One of the reasons our Forefathers/mothers came to this country to begin with was for the freedom to worship whatever God they wanted to worship and then they wanted to separate Church and State...they wanted religion OUT of politics and for a good reason. I'm glad for Bachmann that she thinks she's such a "good Christian woman", and I respect her right to be one, but please do not push your religion or beliefs onto me, I have a brain, I know how to use it and I have done really damned well for 44 years now. Thanks though. One thing I find hilarious is how American Christians forget that Jesus wasn't Christian, he wasn't white, he surely wasn't a gun-toting Southerner (and I don't think every Southerner is gun-toting, I like Southerners) and he surely didn't believe a man was less  of a human being because he was different from himself. Jesus was Jewish. He had the dark skin and hair of the Middle Eastern peoples. He didn't have a gun because one of his messages was for peace. He respected everyone, even those who were different from him and who had their own beliefs. I mean doesn't it even say in the bible, the thing these right wing zealots thump for meaning, JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED? I dunno, sometimes I'm slow, but I think that means God's saying you better not get all judgy because you're not me, you don't have the right because nobody is any better than anybody else. He made us all, if you subscribe to the Christian belief, in his image, right? Don't these overly religions republican's realise that not everyone in the world is white? There are people all over this entire planet that are Christian, who believe in the same bible, that adhere to the laws and principals of that bible, soooo...dark skin and that makes them unworthy? Isn't that a bit, oh I don't know, JUDGY? Maybe I'm too judgy, I do point my pointy finger some, but the right wing nutters get my special finger most of the time, the one I save for just them! ;o)

I have conversations about politics with my son and we've come to only a few conclusions. There have to be decent republican's out there but that they're so truly embarrassed by what is out there, loud and proud even when they shouldn't be, so they stay quiet. I refuse to think ALL republican's are racist, that they all hate our President though I'm sure they don't like him much, but that it has nothing to do with his skin or name. We've also come to the conclusion that there is NOBODY in the republican party right now who could even hope to give President Obama a run for his money next year. Now I say that tongue-in-cheek 'cos a lot of the Dems are upset with what is going on right now. What I say to them and to the republican's who demand that President Obama should have fixed everything by now is this. Seriously? It took Bush 8 years to drag us do the depths of a recession and you expect President Obama to fix it all in 2.5 years? Really? Even if he does have a magic wand that will fix everything I'm thinking it'll take longer than that to fix what Bush broke. He broke everything too, just everything. I'm so glad he's gone, nearly as glad as I am that the devil Cheney is gone. HA his book that's just come out, even republican's are scoffing at it. Except for the ever intelligent, never lying (cough,cough) Fox News Channel, they think it's Nobel Prize winning stuff. lol

Ah Fox News....I am a massive football/soccer fan and I have a hard time watching Fox Soccer Channel because they're affiliated with Faux News. I've actually canceled my FSC because I refuse to pump any of my hard earned, liberal loving money into their hate machine. I can and will watch my Arsenal online, and I will be proud of myself for not giving FNC anymore of my money! It seems that no matter how many times they're proven to have lied, how many times they've been called and proven racist, that they just keep on keepin' on. It's amazing in a way that makes my bowels contract in that way that makes you rush to the loo. Hannity and Limbaugh and formerly Glenn Beck and god don't forget the she-man Ann Coulter...4 of the most loathesome beings on this earth and all of them call FNC home. Well Beck did until they kicked him out 'cos nobody was watching him anymore. FNC doesn't seem to mind it when Limbaugh (who my son calls, funnily enough, Limbog) spouts his racist rhetoric, when he calls our President racist things. It's all ok, it's fine. Then they have the nerve to demand our Vice President Joe Biden apologise because he called them a bunch of terrorists for what they did with the debt ceiling debacle. Really people? Watermelon's, bones in the President's nose, using the "N" word on air...that's ok but god don't call a bunch of people who held this country hostage terrorists? Okey doke, gotcha. ::winkwink::

I gotta say I'm glad my Grandpa isn't around to see what is going on in the country he risked his life for, he'd be so disgusted he'd probably move us all up to Canada or something, or maybe back to the mother-land of Poland, although there's Russian in me, Slovack and so many other things it sounds rather painful to separate and spread myself among all of my peeps out there! Ok getting off track there....anyway...

I really hope every single person who will be voting next year takes a real good, long, hard look at who they're planning on voting for before they actually vote. I hope everyone does their homework and votes with intelligence because there is so much at stake. For us women, do we really want to lose our right to do with our bodies as we see fit? Pro-life, Pro-Choice, anti this and anti that...IMO NOBODY has the right to tell another human being what they can or cannot do with their own bodies. Especially men, until the day they are able to get pregnant, carry, give birth to and care for a baby, do NOT have as much of a voice in what a woman CHOOSES and they never should. The debate over when life begins will never be agreed on by everyone, but every woman should have the basic human right to not go through with something she does not want to nor should she be forced to listen to a heartbeat so it makes that already difficult decision just that much harder. Now honestly, I'm vehemently PRO CHOICE, I strongly believe every woman is due the right to do as she needs to do for herself, her health and her life, but personally I could never and would never have an abortion but I would drive any woman who wanted to have one to the clinic, I'd support her and I'd do what needed to be done because I do NOT have a right to push my beliefs off on her. I'm not the one who would be raising that child. There are republican's out there who refuse to allow a child who was raped by a man an abortion, as if her little, immature body, can easily give birth, as if it was all somehow her fault she got raped by an adult and got pregnant. There are republican's out there who would refuse a woman an abortion to save her own life, even when she's got other children who are already here and living and needing her. That's just fucking insane. I'm not saying there aren't women out there who use abortion as a means of birth control, but I am not responsible for her choice or her soul. Those women will have to answer to whatever power for their decisions one day, or not, depending on beliefs I suppose. Why so many are so concerned with what a woman chooses is beyond me, and I don't for one second believe that they give a toss for the unborn, if they did they'd not be so against any and all programs that would help support those unborn children when they're actually here in the world!

All of this has been said over and over again, but maybe it should be. Maybe it's what it'll take for people to wake up and let people live as they see fit. Of course I don't mean lawlessness should rule, lets not get silly here. I'm just talking about people having a right to live as they see fit within the rules and laws of society. What my neigbour does in the privacy of his/her bedroom is none of my business as long as nobody gets hurt or is forced to do something they don't want to do. 2 consenting adults. Why are so many people so homophobic? What are they so afraid of? What does 2 men or 2 women together have to do with their own lives? How does equality in marriage rights that allow gay people what everyone else does every day going to ruin hetero marriage? Are they affraid more people are gonna go gay? I'm a woman, I think women are cool but I like having sex with men (now if only they liked having sex with me...hmmmm...lol), it's no big deal. If I found out my one and only child was gay? So? I'd worry that the world was going to hurt him of course and I'd probably go mental supporting his right to marriage, happiness and a life without persecution...Life is hard enough for everyone, why add to it?

So ok I'm done, I've got myself a headache now and I gotta be up @3am for work and it's now 7pm so it's time for bed. Ciao people. Live and let live, help when it's needed and treat others with respect.


Ok so I finished this post about 15 minutes ago and then went onto Facebook only to find out the latest bullshit the republican's are pulling...unbelievable that Mr. Boehner has the balls to tell the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES that he will not be meeting with him at the time or on the day that the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES has chosen!! REALLY?! Wow. Just when you think it's safe to go back into the political waters...