Justice, At Last....

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, whenever there is a trial concerning sexual abuse of children I have a certain amount of interest, naturally. The Sandusky trial, I gotta say I have been on pins and needles since it began, I was so afraid he would go free. Maybe it's because of what happened to me, maybe it's a mother's intuition but I honestly could look at him and see the monster in him. Nobody wants to believe an older man like Sandusky, who is this huge hero to so many, is capable of hurting children but all it took for me to believe it was the first time I saw him. He just has something wrong with his eyes. A few weeks after the whole thing hit the airwaves and he was remanded to his home instead of sitting and rotting in a jail cell as he deserved, and when it was reported how every day he would go stand on his front porch to watch the children coming out of school every afternoon with something to drink in his hand, it made me nearly vomit. I love kids, I live near a few schools, I have never done something like that and it makes my skin crawl that he would be so bold as to basically stand there drooling over little boys out in the open and nothing was done to stop it. I'm glad my son didn't go to that school and that Sandusky has never laid his sick, perverted eyes on him. He'll spend the rest of his life in prison and that makes the world just a bit safer. One less predator on the streets. However, my question? What about all those fuckers who knew this was happening, or "thought" it could be happening that did nothing because Sandusky was so famous? Is there a different set of laws for monsters like Sandusky? Just because he's famous and "beloved", does that make it nifty fine that he raped and sexually tortured at least 10 young boys? I swear on every single thing I hold dear to me that if anyone ever did that to my son I would fucking rip them apart with my bare hands and go grinning to prison for it. I know what it's like to feel like you have no control over situations because an adult is doing things to you that they shouldn't be doing. NOBODY better try to hurt my son in any way much less in that way. 

My abuser was my father, isn't that an old tale to tell? What I had no idea about is that he also molested most of my 6 male, older cousins. I found that out about 15 years ago. I know the effect that abuse has had on me, on how I grew up, my issues with trust in men and how I view sex...I have also seen how my cousin's dealt with it. The one's he hurt, 2 of them are dead from drug overdoses, the rest are drug abusers and alcoholics and I lay all the blame for that on my father. I have forgiven him for what he did to me because it just got to a point where in order for me to move on with my life and have any sort of a relationship with another person, I had to, however I will never forgive him for hurting so many other children. It's been proven that the second you abuse a child it not only changes who they are but who they were meant to be and it just ENDS so many possibilities for their lives. Children are the epitome of innocence and for an adult to end that innocence...well there's just gotta be a very special place in hell for them, I truly believe that and I'm not a religious person. 

It's been said by some of the abused kids that they were not only abused in Sandusky's home, but his wife was home and had to know what was going on and did nothing to stop it. Now I get she was probably afraid to do anything, for herself, her safety, but that's just no fucking excuse. These children who's lives are forever altered in horrible ways should have a chance to sit with this bitch and tell her exactly what her precious husband did to them, in the Sandusky home, when she was home, and then ask her why she didn't do anything to help them. She should be forced to answer them, to look into their eyes and tell them why. My heart breaks for the victims, and we only know of 10, you know there is many, many more. At least one for every single year he had access to that "charity" of his. I want his wife to look into those victim's eyes and tell them that the abuse never happened because he was "too busy" to have done it. Yeah, he was too fucking busy raping young boys in the shower...sure. Bitch should spend the rest of her life in seclusion, and I hope she does, miserable and alone. 

Now is the time I wish I hadn't given up drinking 'cos I'd sure love a big old glass of red wine right about now...toasting justice having been done when I was afraid it wouldn't be and because this monster will never, ever hurt another child for the rest of his miserable existence. But really, I'm just gonna go to bed 'cos I gotta get up for work in a bit less than 5 hours...

This So Called WAR ON WOMEN

Don't let the right fool you, there IS a war on women...against women. Suddenly it's dangerous to have both a brain and a vagina. There seem to be quite a few conservative men in this country who want the women in this country to go back to the 50z, be good little girls and do everything we're told to do by those big, strong, smart men. ::snort:: Yeah sure, what the fuck evahhhh.... I never listened to begin with, why start now, half way through my life? I was not built to listen to men, I barely listen to my mum. I'm hard-wired to NOT trust men or their ideas, it takes a lot for me to give men credit that they're due....because most of the time they're not due any if you ask me. No I'm not a man-hater, I love men, I just hate controlling men.

In Michigan, Rep Lisa Brown and Rep Barb Byrum were banned from speaking on the house floor by Majority Floor Leader John Stamas. Why? Because of what she said about late-term abortion. This was her comment....

“Wherever there is a question of the life of the mother or that of the unborn child, Jewish law rules in favor of preserving the life of the mother. The status of the fetus of human life does not equal that of the mother.

I have not asked you to adopt and adhere to my religious beliefs. Why are you asking me to adopt yours?

And finally,  Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but no means no.”

Can someone please show me where she spoke so horribly that she should have been and should continue to be banned from speaking out? Oh I guess it's because she doesn't adhere to the fucking Christian bullshit belief that abortion is a sin. The thing is I would give these asshole's a chance to convince me about this whole abortion/anti-choice but when you realise that they don't give a shit about that fetus after it's been born in my world they have NO voice. You can't see my POV because you're too fucking busy thumping your bible that was written over 2 thousand years ago in a language that has been dead for over a thousand years then I shall close my mind and ears. I cannot and I will not sit still and have religious zealots tell me how to run my life, how to think and what I can and cannot do with my body. Nobody has the right to tell another human being what to do or what they are not allowed to do with their body. I think the thing that pisses me off just about the most is how these people are all anti-choice, pro-death penalty and definitely against any sort of programs that would help feed and clothe and shelter that fetus a woman was forced to bring into this world. The second that fetus breathes and becomes a child they do not give a toss about it but damn it let it be born so it can struggle, starve, be uneducated, possibly abused and neglected....damned straight. ::snort:: 

I really do not get why all of a sudden these conservative men think they have any right to tell a woman she should not have the ability to prevent a pregnancy, but a man has the right to those little blue pills so he can get it up and impregnate her. That women haven't the right to terminate a pregnancy for any reason at any time but once that child is born it's her problem, not the government's and definitely it's not the conservative's problem.

Nothing tends to infuriate me more than  a man thinking he has the right to tell a woman what she can do or not do with her body. It blows my mind. I'd never presume to tell anyone what to do, I have a hard time telling my kid what to do. Ok no I don't but I do let him always have a say and I have him make most of the decisions that effect him. If I don't teach him how to make his own decisions then some idiot conservative will have an easier time convincing him of things I would hope he knows better than to agree with. I'm lucky he's so politically aware and that he agrees with me, if anything he's a tad too liberal for my tastes. lol But as a young man he has asked me why suddenly it's so bad to have a vagina and a brain, I have no answers for him because I just don't know. I don't get it. I want my own answers just as Ms. Brown and Ms. Byrum would like answers as to why they've basically been banned from doing their jobs. It's supposed to be a good thing to have opposing ideas so that a conversation can be had and that, in the end hopefully the best answer is given and done. In the world as we know it today, that is just not how it is. The conservatives want their way, they want everyone to be bible thumping christians, they want every woman silenced and to obey, they want the rich to get richer whilst the middle class and below have their necks stomped on by their own feet. They want to shove their beliefs down our throats and they're the first ones frustrated when things don't work like that in the real world. Don't even get me going on this damned voter purge going on in Florida, don't get me going on how it's spreading to every fucking state with a goddamned republican governor and don't even get me going on how utterly pathetic and obvious it is. These rich, entitled, spoilt white men are so offended that the President of the United States of America is not only a black man, but has a father who was Muslim and has a Muslim name. They're so afraid that this man who is our President may actually do some good that they'll spend billions...BILLIONS...on electing some fuckwad rich, snobby, out-of-touch, lying-through-his-capped-teeth, mom jeans wearing twat that they cannot stand. What's that idiot's name out there in Nevada...some casino tycoon, the one willing to spend endless billions on getting the twat elected even though he'd probably rather peel the skin from his face and ignore that silly little fact that he made 21.somethingridiculous BILLION dollars last year under Obama....but lets get that black guy out of office. Can't have a BLACK MAN in the WHITE HOUSE after all. Makes me so ashamed to be white. At least the KKK are up front and honest about their hatred and why they do the things they do, you can almost respect them for their honestly, they don't hide behind billions of dollars and stupid, lying excuses as to why they want the black man out of office. Notice I did say ALMOST there.

It's basically all the same bullshit, we've not progressed as a human beings. We've not enlightened our existences. Women are still seen as things, property, open your legs for men in the bedroom and be the whore he wants but read your bible when he goes and does his "manly" duties out in the world. ::snort:: Yeah right, fuck you who believe that shit and please do fuck right off. I think I'm most offended at the women who call themselves conservatives and republican's who are agreeing with this shit! I mean do they not understand if this shit is allowed to happen that eventually THEY WILL BE OUT OF A JOB? They will be made to sit home and service their husbands. Fuck that shit. I'll be a whore when I want to be a whore for a man who deserves me to be his whore. :o) Otherwise I tell those men that god gave them 2 good hands, put them to good use and fucking leave me alone. 

I would ask for forgiveness for all the bad language I've used, but I just don't care if it offends, I'm offended so it's my fucking turn to offend. I was not brought up to use such language but some times it's just necessary. Shock value I suppose. Not that anyone ever reads my blog, but I have fun writing them....when I get a chance to gather my many scattered thoughts and type them off. I know there is much more I'd like to say about this but I'm done for now...I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. I cannot wait for November and my chance to vote for President Barrack Obama again!

 

OMG DID YOU HEAR..?

You know what I'm really sick of? The media. The media that goes after entertainers so relentlessly that they can't even scratch their backsides in public. I say that if say Brad Pitt is in public with Angelina and the kids trying to enjoy oh I don't know, an ice cream cone for the littles, they're there for the kids, as a family, so they have as much a right to be left the hell alone as us "regular" people do. I mean could you stand having people pushing and scratching and running up to you 24/7 to snap a photo of your kids and you every single second? I sure as hell wouldn't want that, no way. When Brad is with the fam he's off limits imo. When he's on the red carpet or at the premier of his newest film then yes, take all the photo's of him you want, even of the kids if he's brought them along, but when he's being dad? Leave him alone. Now I just used Brad as an example 'cos he popped into my mind, I could have used Simon Lebon or John Taylor just as easily but figured maybe one or two people might not know who they were and thus wouldn't get the gist of my ramble. Now don't forget one thing, I'm a rabid fan of bands like Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet and Depeche Mode. I've gone from city to city to see these bands, I've driven hours to see the same tour and I've camped out in front of hotel's for a gander of a hottie. However I've never, not once, gone up to anybody I adore when he's been with his family. I respect them enough to give them the privacy every single human being on the face of this earth deserves and most enjoy. When they're onstage they're SIMON LEBON, but when he's with Yaz and the girls, he's Simon Lebon. There's a line and I do not cross it. I may go and pass out quietly in a corner somewhere but I won't even take a photo of them from afar. No honest, I won't. I've been in this sitch before, and I did not humiliate myself by ignoring my morals. I'm so proud of me.

So I'm really doubly sick of someone's sexual preference being splatted all over everywhere. I don't give a shit who's sleeping with who, unless it's me, which it never is. ::sigh:: Wednesday the headlines were full of Jim Parson's because some felt that he'd finally come out of the closet. Well I'm sorry but if you were surprised that he's gay? You've never paid attention to him. Not that he's flaming or anything, but even my 13 year old always thought he was gay. It's not a big deal, he's been with his partner for 10 years so obviously they're in love and that makes my heart very happy for him. I think he is a brilliant actor and his Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory is my ubur-favourite character right now, maybe even of all time, and I do not care what he does in his personal life. As long as he's happy, not hurting anyone, what does it matter? Why did that suddenly have to be made such a big deal? Bless him and his partner, may they live in sublime happiness for the rest of their lives. 

Why are we, as American's, so fucking consumed with what actors and musicians do in their personal life? Are we trying to live vicariously through them? Really? I mean if I wanted to be an actor or musician I imagine I would have gone out and done it or at least tried, so why would I want that lifestyle? I like my lifestyle. I'm a mom. I love that. Mom. I'm content. I do admit I like hearing when stars get married, when they have babies and when they're happy and have the world at their fingertips...but they should be let alone in public 90% of the time. I dunno, maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm just not properly star-struck but I tell you, when I met Spandau Ballet in '09 and I looked into Gary Kemp's lovely blue eyes? Star struck doesn't begin to cover the emotions that went flying through me. I have my moments. Meeting Pink Floyd's David Gilmore was a definite high light of my life. Meeting John Candy (RIP) was another. When I met Anne Rice I was nearly speechless and Davy Jones did strike me speechless for a few moments. When John Taylor held my hand between his leather gloved hands I was woozy with pleasure and couldn't stop sniffing the lingering smell of that rich leather left on my hand all the way home but I would never ruin a night out on the town for him and his lovely wife, though I would love to meet her as well. Actually I always wanted to meet Simon Lebon's wife just a bit more than Simon...I just adore her. Weird. But alas, I stray. These are just people, people. They've been luckier than most, are talented at something most of us cannot do or maybe never thought to try, but they're not better than everyone else nor should they be put on a pedestal. Thing is they still use the loo, they still get sick, they still mess up and they have their own famous person heroes that shine bright in their eyes. Ok I think I would probably burst into tears to meet David Bowie, but who wouldn't? Seriously I would have a breakdown. I mean he's DAVID BOWIE for hell's sake! I'll meet him one day, I meet everyone. I'm lucky that way. But I only bother them when they're being their alter-ego's, not when they're being dad or hubby. Never then.

Bits and Bobs

So ok I'm sooo horrible at updating my blog, I just don't have much to say or the time in which to say it. I have a lot of actual thoughts and outrages but seldom the strength in which to put them down here. Well I suppose I have some time now...kid isn't home and I'm just sitting around. So here we go.

I think I'm still really angry about this whole "War on Women" shit I keep hearing from the GOP every day, especially when they say there is no War on Women as they're signing away our rights to our own bodies and healthcare for women and now I see some states are making it ok for women who are raped to be continually victimized by the system that is supposed to protect them. It's just disgusting. It infuriates me that these fat, rich old men think they own the fucking world and everyone in it well I hate to tell 'em but they sure as hell don't! I own me, nobody else does. Slavery is illegal. What usually stuns me most are the idiotic republican women cheering these things on as if there's nothing wrong. I guess in their eyes, since these rules/laws won't actually effect them, it is all ok. I really hope that come this November WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA IS REELECTED the repukes sit down and think about the ridiculous decisions they've made in the past few years. I know republican's around me who are ashamed of this party, are absolutely either refusing to vote altogether or will be voting for the President. No matter how much it hurts. :o)  It's just mind blowing that there are still those out there who feel ok and not ashamed to stand up for what is being done, who actually believe all the lies Faux News tells, it scares the shit out of me when I see people who I think are normally intelligent people standing in front of me thinking they're successfully debating with me using Faux News talking points. It makes me flabbergasted when, just because I'm temporarily stunned silent due to their ignorance, that they've bested me and then get so angry when I eventually come back to life and make mincemeat of their "beliefs". Gosh they get so angry when I can and do prove over and over again how misinformed they are! My favourite is when people say, not even necessarily republican's, that they're upset with the President because he hasn't done a damned thing since he got into office....again after a few stunned moments of silence they're thinking differently when I point out what he's accomplished, even with every single damned repuke against him. It's humbling really, when you consider what he's done, just the healthcare reform gets me. It further frustrates me when people say they hate the healthcare reform and they don't want to pay for other people to have healthcare. First of all...how selfish. If I had a few bob left at the end of the day and could give it to someone who needed it I damned well would. Second of all, YOU PAY FOR THOSE PEOPLE NOW every single time they go to the ER because they stubbed their damned toe! PLUS everyone and I mean EVERYONE pays sooooooo much for insurance now, wouldn't it be nice to have that price go down, according to what you earn and can afford? Wouldn't it be nice to have some extra money in your pocket? I'd be very happy to have a bit more money in hand! I'm not afraid to have to pay for healthcare because I know if I can only afford 10 bucks per month then that's all I'll pay. Get it yet people? It's not like the POTUS is going to force us to all pay 500 bucks a month when we only make 600 a month..duh. STOP LISTENING TO THE REPUBLICANS! THEY LIE! Yeesh...

So ok last month it was in the 80z for like 2 weeks straight here in Chicago and it's gone downhill ever since. Next week it's supposed to warm up so yay...however, for all those people who, again, are listening to the repukes and don't believe in global warming, if the weather of the past few months don't prove it's existence to you...well then you'll never get your head out of the sand. Nothing to do about that. The weather has been wacky for sure and I know it does naturally go nutty from time-to-time, but it's been too wacky for too long. Our winters are lasting into the spring and our summers are lasting into the fall...well into. Shit's gotten weird, the poor plants and flowers and trees don't know if they're blooming or changing colours for the fall! 

Gosh my kid is 13 going on 30, I swear! The changes in him are freaking me out, he's tall, his voice is deep, he's getting hairy everywhere but he's still my sweet boy...when he's not a bratty, sullen teenager. lol I love the kid, with my heart and soul. He's a brilliant human being, he's talented, he's got a huge heart that he actually listens to. He amazes me on a daily basis and he is going to be SOMEONE when he's grown. Just you watch.

I think I'm going to beg my mum to let me plant some flowers and things in her backyard. The thing I hate most about living here in an apartment is having no outside to plant things I love. I want flowers! I'm sure she'll be ok with it, I mean it's not like she's gonna have to do a darned thing. I'll be over to water and stuff, she only lives a mile away! I want pretty pink flowers and purple flowers and yellow and blue and green and orange and....every colour in the world!!! I LOVE FLOWERS! I play the Sims 3 and you should see the landscaping I do for the houses I build! Amazing if I do say so myself! Actually I gotta run 'cos I gotta continue this adorable Southwestern influenced house!

Wow...just..wow.

Oh what a week I've had! Tuesday I ate some bad meat and biscuits that apparently I'm allergic to so I had a horrible reaction, the vomiting, the diarrhea, the swelling, the itching, the rash....the fainting. It was not a good scene. I ended up in the ER and a lovely night in the hospital, I nearly died because my blood pressure was 50. That's it, just 50...no bottom number. An epi pen shot helped but made me shake uncontrollably, vomited one more time and then all was back to something resembling normal. I was in the hospital where I work and was pleasantly surprised at the level of compassion and treatment I received! Top notch! I'd highly recommend it to be honest, and that did surprise me 'cos you hear so many stories, but that's with every hospital. I have a few about the hospital where I had my son. Shit happens everywhere.

However when shit happens in Florida and a 17 year old African American young man ends up dead and the man who killed him is free and there is as of right now, no plans on arresting him, there is something mighty wrong going on in this crazy ass country of mine! Every single day this Zimmerman's "posse" is coming up with different stories, different excuses, but in the end? There is a 17 you old kid who was walking home with iced tea and Skittles who did nothing to intimidate anyone lying in a box in the ground and has no idea the fight going on because he's dead. And he shouldn't be dead. This silly excuse that Zimmerman was protecting himself from great bodily harm...well first of all there should be a mark on him somewhere and there is now video of him getting out of the cop car woundless...so there goes that one imo. Then on top of it all President Obama took some time out of his busy schedule to say a few words on tv for the parents and now the 2 or 3 lines are being considered a hate speech. I mean really, you can go on and hate him for all your worth and swear to everything in the world and beyond that it's not because of the colour of his skin (and I'll still say bullshit), but to say that what the President said was hate-filled? That's a fucking stretch, even for the losers who are saying it. It really makes me wanna slam my head against the wall. 

And of course the healthcare reform act is up again and it's driving me nuts. I mean it's ok for the government to tell us to buy car insurance but it's not constitutional to have us buy healthcare? Really? I swear these moron's haven't got half a brain-cell to rub together.

Don't worry...

Not that anyone is 'cos I'm convinced I'm the only one who reads my blog :o) however I do have one coming soon...just collecting my thoughts before posting it!

2012...The End?

First let me start out by saying my heart is still heavy over the loss of Davy Jones. I still cannot believe he is not in this world! I just hope wherever he is he fully realises how loved he was and will always be!


Ok onward now....

So the Mayan calendar says that the world is going to end on 21st December 2012. Well sorta anyway. You get many different interpretations of this theory but the one that rings most true to me is that, since it's been crumbled and the end destroyed, either the person who was writing it dropped it and figured "Oh well, time to move on I suppose." or the end of what that person who was writing it was incapacitated in some way so the calendar was unable to be finished. I do not believe that we have less than 10 months of existance left.

That being said, is it just me or is the weather wackier than usual? Now understand one thing, I have a great, GREAT love of everything weather related and I got this love from my grandpa. Some of my greatest memories of my grandpa were sitting on a porch of wherever we were living or at, watching a storm come in. He taught me a lot about weather and it was one thing out of many we shared a passion for. I gotta say I know something about weather, about weather patterns and I know that things come and go. Warmer winters come and go and then they cycle colder again, same with all seasons. And precip, I know it comes and goes in cycles. It just, however, seems to me that we're having more storms with intense, horrifying outcomes than we used to. Now I've lived 44.5 years and have never been in a tornado. I've witness many, many intense, exciting storms (I'd make such a GREAT storm chaser btw!) and I've seen skies turn black at noon, but never was in a tornado. Thank goodness 'cos who wants that right? I gotta say, however, seeing all this crazy weather going on around me? Chicago having a very pleasant winter (hardly any snow, hardly more than 10 days under 32 degrees which is unheard of just about), Chicago missing every major snow storm this winter (sure we did get a couple storms but nothing massive like we had last winter), and now with all these tornadic thunderstorms surrounding us I can't help but wonder when it will be our turn? Is this gonna be the spring where I'm trying to figure out is it best to fall with the building or have the building fall on me when the tornado hits or should I just run to my parent's house before the tornado hits, it's something that keeps my PJ awake at night 'cos there is nothing that freaks him out more than a bad thunderstorm. A few years ago we were caught in a terrible storm and there was a funnel cloud and it just scared the hell outta PJ, who was about 9 at the time. He's not built like me, who saw my first funnel at a much younger age and it excited me...but of course I had my grandpa with me and knew he'd keep me safe no matter what. :o) So really I'm wondering when that other shoe is gonna fall. We've not had a tornado in my area since the year I was born, 1967, and that was a devastating storm from what I'm told. It's gotta be in the cards one of these years right? Is all this wacky weather a precursor to the end of the world? I gotta say I doubt it. I think it's all still cyclical. So it's gonna be in the 60z next week, that's good right?! I know I'll have every single window open for business!